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| APOLOGIES TO THE DIVINE FEMININE (from a warrior in transition) Those of us who have received your blessings may not always acknowledge it, but your acts of love have landed within us, growing us stronger and infusing us with love’s light. Thank you. By Jeff Brown: Soul Shaping |
| Heal your Heart - Love your Body - Live your Joy! Simply Stunning! A beautiful and profound experience 3 guided meditations on one CD. Access higher wisdom, intuition and insights. Change habits, release fears and activate healing energies. Buy Now Full description. Read what others say |
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| Heal your Heart, Love your Body and Claim your Joy! Reinventing Myself by Sonya Green is now available in paperback. Click the book cover to find out more. |
| EBook also available. Instant download for only $8 |
If you feel this website has inspired you or resonated with you or if you
found yourself thinking about someone who would benefit from visiting these
pages - Trust Your Intuition and send them the link.
If you would like to copy an article to your site or blog, you are welcome to do
so, but must note copyright Sonya Green and refer to
www.reinventingmyself.com
If you would like to support this site you might consider emailing in suggestions
or comments, a small donation, purchasing a product or visiting the links to our
sponsors.
found yourself thinking about someone who would benefit from visiting these
pages - Trust Your Intuition and send them the link.
If you would like to copy an article to your site or blog, you are welcome to do
so, but must note copyright Sonya Green and refer to
www.reinventingmyself.com
If you would like to support this site you might consider emailing in suggestions
or comments, a small donation, purchasing a product or visiting the links to our
sponsors.
I apologize for my inability to distinguish the benevolent warrior from the
heartless warrior, a reflection of my own confusion dealing with the battlefields
of yore. When I opened my heart too wide, I was vulnerable to attack from
warring factions. I was conditioned to believe that I had to stay rigid, focused,
prepared for any eventuality, in the desire to protect myself and others from
attack. But I went too far, and closed too tight, and eradicated the bridge
between our hearts. I am seeing this now and I am sorry.
I apologize for my perpetual absence, a reflection of my own inner absence, my
inability to connect from a heart jammed tight by unresolved emotions that I did
not have the tools to work through. I still lack many of these tools, but I am
open to their emergence.
I apologize for my inability to distinguish relationship from war. Like a warrior in
enemy territory, I would sneak in and out of your life in the night, plundering and
selfishly taking what I needed, then crawling back to the other side of the abyss
with the spoils. I gave little back for fear that I would become vulnerable to
attack. I had war on the brain and I could not see the river of love waiting on the
other side of the battlefield. I now recognize that love is the antidote for the
armoured warrior, but I could not drink the antidote in my driven state.
I apologize for not seeing you, my eyes blinded by congealed rage and unshed
tears. If it is any consolation, and I imagine it is not, I could not see myself
either. I saw only that which served my hyper-vigilance, my warrior focus. My
mirror was a battlefield.
I apologize for my ungrounded materialism, my power driven tyrannies, my
obsession with accumulation. Somehow I imagined that accumulation would
protect me and those close to me, but I failed to recognize that it just perpetuated
the madness. I also apologize for my egoic abuses, a reflection of my own
misguided ego, pumped up to deal with an inherently competitive world. I couldn’
t distinguish the healthy, confident ego from the cocky, unhealthy ego. I went
much too far in the wrong direction.
I apologize for a sexuality that was objectifying and disconnected from the heart.
I know you longed for real intimacy, a merging of our souls along the heart-
genital highway. But there were too many defences around my heart, and no
bridge could form between our souls. There were moments when your loving
ways freed me from my body masks, but I had no template to stand in that heart-
fire. I am sorry for this, for I know that the path you longed for was the path to
God.
I apologize for my horrifying acts of violence, a reflection of my own congealed
rage, my own inability to distinguish real enemies from friends. There are no
words that can undo what I have done in those moments of madness. I know
this, I do. I would hide my face in shame, but that won’t make things better. I
need to own my misdeeds, and then find a way to believe in my capacity to
move from a more loving place. I call out to other male warriors to be
accountable for the actions of our gender, not in a way that is self-hating, but in
a way that is courageously self-honest and genuinely compassionate. The
heartfelt warrior acknowledges the error of his ways, and has the courage to do
all he can to make amends over time.
I apologize for my inability to develop a conscious relationship. You were right
there with your beautiful heart on your sleeve but I was too attached to my
individualism and afraid of this unknown terrain. I know the forests, the
marketplace and the ways of the outer world so well, but my inner geography is
foreign to me. You called me to a place I was ill-prepared to go, although I
sensed, below the surface of my bravado, that you called me home.
I am grateful for your willingness to believe that who I was in those rare
moments of vulnerability was the real me. You were right- the real me lives
inside of my heart- but a few moments now and then was the most I could
handle. I saw you as dangerous, for in your presence I began to taste a
surrendered way of being. Nonetheless, your faith in my goodness kept me going
through many a battle, and restored my faith in life when I most needed it. You
were the light at the end of a barbaric tunnel, and I am blessed.
I am grateful that you stuck with me through thick and thin, and I also
understand those times you had to give up and let go. I now recognize that there
is meaningful difference between a love-ship and a relationship. Love alone is not
enough. Without a shared willingness to become conscious, there can only be
frustration. I was so often impossible, clinging to my unconsciousness like a
soldier clings to his weapons. I recognize the courage it took for you to keep
your heart open in the presence of my resistance. You had every right to seek an
authentic relationship, as your spirit was ignited in its presence. Your beautiful
heart had every right to be met in its openness and willingness. I am grateful for
the time you gave me, a moments respite from the hiding places I mistakenly
called home.
I am grateful for Grandmother, for no one saw my tenderness more clearly. I am
grateful for Mother, for choosing to bring me into being and for nourishing my
body until I could find my feet. I am grateful for Mother Earth, for grounding
my expansion and enlivening my spirit. I am grateful for the Divine Mother, the
real Mother of us all. I now feel her divine presence, so close. Fiercely
compassionate, she was always right here, breathing life into me, holding me
safe. I sit in her lap as she breathes me.
I look forward to the day when the only thing that ignites relationship is two
souls calling out to one another, two soul-hearts beating in the same direction, a
whisper of longing that bridges one essence to another. I want to want you not
because it gratifies my ego, not because you are outwardly beautiful, but because
your very presence invites my Godself out of hiding. I want to touch you with
my heart on my sleeve, to know chemistry between us that is not gender
identified, but that is essence sourced, loves liquid lava flowing from the heart to
the genitals to the great beyond. In this love-struck world, relationship will
always be experienced as spiritual practice, a devotional expression of our God-
self.
I had always believed that sensitivity is impossible to hold to in a harsh world.
Yet in this moment, I feel sensitive, but without the fragility. I am still wearing
armor but there is a shift in the direction of my intensity. I can linger in the heart-
space a little longer than I once could, I am softening in places. After so many
lifetimes with weapon in hand, a tenderling warrior is being birthed in the core of
my being. He is confused, but he intuitively knows that this is the way home.
Please don’t give up on me or my fellow warriors. Forgive us our misdeeds, or,
at the least, be open to the possibility that we will change as the trail expands to
meet our shifting intentionality. The day will come when our warrior spirit loses
its harsh edge, and comes into alignment with benevolent action. Some of us are
already there, and many more of us will follow. The road to transformation is
dependent on a bridge between genders, a benevolent bridge that celebrates our
differences with respect and kindness. That work must begin with healing the
rifts along the gender continuum, working hard to heal the collective heart until
one day we can stand on a bridge across forever, hands held together, hearts
open and alight, embracing the sacred masculine and divine feminine living at the
heart of us all. I will meet you there.
May you feel the love of the Divine Mother crashing down on your heartfelt
shores, graciously lifting you up above the madness of the world, nestling you in
the grateful arms of those you have nurtured. Those of us who have received
your blessings may not always acknowledge it, but your acts of love have landed
within us, growing us stronger and infusing us with love’s light. Thank you.
© Jeff Brown, 2010 (www.soulshaping.com) published September 20th, 2010
original blog link- http://soulshaping.com/?p=782
The related "APOLOGIES TO THE SACRED MASCULINE" can be read here..
http://soulshaping.com/?p=972
heartless warrior, a reflection of my own confusion dealing with the battlefields
of yore. When I opened my heart too wide, I was vulnerable to attack from
warring factions. I was conditioned to believe that I had to stay rigid, focused,
prepared for any eventuality, in the desire to protect myself and others from
attack. But I went too far, and closed too tight, and eradicated the bridge
between our hearts. I am seeing this now and I am sorry.
I apologize for my perpetual absence, a reflection of my own inner absence, my
inability to connect from a heart jammed tight by unresolved emotions that I did
not have the tools to work through. I still lack many of these tools, but I am
open to their emergence.
I apologize for my inability to distinguish relationship from war. Like a warrior in
enemy territory, I would sneak in and out of your life in the night, plundering and
selfishly taking what I needed, then crawling back to the other side of the abyss
with the spoils. I gave little back for fear that I would become vulnerable to
attack. I had war on the brain and I could not see the river of love waiting on the
other side of the battlefield. I now recognize that love is the antidote for the
armoured warrior, but I could not drink the antidote in my driven state.
I apologize for not seeing you, my eyes blinded by congealed rage and unshed
tears. If it is any consolation, and I imagine it is not, I could not see myself
either. I saw only that which served my hyper-vigilance, my warrior focus. My
mirror was a battlefield.
I apologize for my ungrounded materialism, my power driven tyrannies, my
obsession with accumulation. Somehow I imagined that accumulation would
protect me and those close to me, but I failed to recognize that it just perpetuated
the madness. I also apologize for my egoic abuses, a reflection of my own
misguided ego, pumped up to deal with an inherently competitive world. I couldn’
t distinguish the healthy, confident ego from the cocky, unhealthy ego. I went
much too far in the wrong direction.
I apologize for a sexuality that was objectifying and disconnected from the heart.
I know you longed for real intimacy, a merging of our souls along the heart-
genital highway. But there were too many defences around my heart, and no
bridge could form between our souls. There were moments when your loving
ways freed me from my body masks, but I had no template to stand in that heart-
fire. I am sorry for this, for I know that the path you longed for was the path to
God.
I apologize for my horrifying acts of violence, a reflection of my own congealed
rage, my own inability to distinguish real enemies from friends. There are no
words that can undo what I have done in those moments of madness. I know
this, I do. I would hide my face in shame, but that won’t make things better. I
need to own my misdeeds, and then find a way to believe in my capacity to
move from a more loving place. I call out to other male warriors to be
accountable for the actions of our gender, not in a way that is self-hating, but in
a way that is courageously self-honest and genuinely compassionate. The
heartfelt warrior acknowledges the error of his ways, and has the courage to do
all he can to make amends over time.
I apologize for my inability to develop a conscious relationship. You were right
there with your beautiful heart on your sleeve but I was too attached to my
individualism and afraid of this unknown terrain. I know the forests, the
marketplace and the ways of the outer world so well, but my inner geography is
foreign to me. You called me to a place I was ill-prepared to go, although I
sensed, below the surface of my bravado, that you called me home.
I am grateful for your willingness to believe that who I was in those rare
moments of vulnerability was the real me. You were right- the real me lives
inside of my heart- but a few moments now and then was the most I could
handle. I saw you as dangerous, for in your presence I began to taste a
surrendered way of being. Nonetheless, your faith in my goodness kept me going
through many a battle, and restored my faith in life when I most needed it. You
were the light at the end of a barbaric tunnel, and I am blessed.
I am grateful that you stuck with me through thick and thin, and I also
understand those times you had to give up and let go. I now recognize that there
is meaningful difference between a love-ship and a relationship. Love alone is not
enough. Without a shared willingness to become conscious, there can only be
frustration. I was so often impossible, clinging to my unconsciousness like a
soldier clings to his weapons. I recognize the courage it took for you to keep
your heart open in the presence of my resistance. You had every right to seek an
authentic relationship, as your spirit was ignited in its presence. Your beautiful
heart had every right to be met in its openness and willingness. I am grateful for
the time you gave me, a moments respite from the hiding places I mistakenly
called home.
I am grateful for Grandmother, for no one saw my tenderness more clearly. I am
grateful for Mother, for choosing to bring me into being and for nourishing my
body until I could find my feet. I am grateful for Mother Earth, for grounding
my expansion and enlivening my spirit. I am grateful for the Divine Mother, the
real Mother of us all. I now feel her divine presence, so close. Fiercely
compassionate, she was always right here, breathing life into me, holding me
safe. I sit in her lap as she breathes me.
I look forward to the day when the only thing that ignites relationship is two
souls calling out to one another, two soul-hearts beating in the same direction, a
whisper of longing that bridges one essence to another. I want to want you not
because it gratifies my ego, not because you are outwardly beautiful, but because
your very presence invites my Godself out of hiding. I want to touch you with
my heart on my sleeve, to know chemistry between us that is not gender
identified, but that is essence sourced, loves liquid lava flowing from the heart to
the genitals to the great beyond. In this love-struck world, relationship will
always be experienced as spiritual practice, a devotional expression of our God-
self.
I had always believed that sensitivity is impossible to hold to in a harsh world.
Yet in this moment, I feel sensitive, but without the fragility. I am still wearing
armor but there is a shift in the direction of my intensity. I can linger in the heart-
space a little longer than I once could, I am softening in places. After so many
lifetimes with weapon in hand, a tenderling warrior is being birthed in the core of
my being. He is confused, but he intuitively knows that this is the way home.
Please don’t give up on me or my fellow warriors. Forgive us our misdeeds, or,
at the least, be open to the possibility that we will change as the trail expands to
meet our shifting intentionality. The day will come when our warrior spirit loses
its harsh edge, and comes into alignment with benevolent action. Some of us are
already there, and many more of us will follow. The road to transformation is
dependent on a bridge between genders, a benevolent bridge that celebrates our
differences with respect and kindness. That work must begin with healing the
rifts along the gender continuum, working hard to heal the collective heart until
one day we can stand on a bridge across forever, hands held together, hearts
open and alight, embracing the sacred masculine and divine feminine living at the
heart of us all. I will meet you there.
May you feel the love of the Divine Mother crashing down on your heartfelt
shores, graciously lifting you up above the madness of the world, nestling you in
the grateful arms of those you have nurtured. Those of us who have received
your blessings may not always acknowledge it, but your acts of love have landed
within us, growing us stronger and infusing us with love’s light. Thank you.
© Jeff Brown, 2010 (www.soulshaping.com) published September 20th, 2010
original blog link- http://soulshaping.com/?p=782
The related "APOLOGIES TO THE SACRED MASCULINE" can be read here..
http://soulshaping.com/?p=972
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