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| The Beauty Myth The Cinderella complex Clever marketing destroying true beauty |
She places her jaded heart in a small begging bowl and kneels before
him. He dispenses his affection like loose change - amusing himself with
her look of gratitude. For a fleeting moment they both pretend that an
exchange of value has taken place. She remembers a time when he
wanted her with passion. She remembers a time when they all did tricks
for her. She remembers who she was and the power of seduction; the
power of youth, a pretty face, sexuality and vitality. She dreamed dreams
of all things possible. Of course the biggest dream of all echoes through
her girl-child mind, “I want to be a bride”. She so vividly remembers her
wedding day, it was all she ever wanted and often thinks of it as her
‘princess day’.
Daddy called her Princess as he tucked her into bed at night. She
believed she was his princess and never questioned his predictions of
one day becoming a beautiful woman, falling madly in love and living
happily ever after.
What a joke. What a great big fat lie. Was she really so deluded? Was it
bad luck, bad judgment, bad choices or is the dream for only ‘the others’.
It probably never occurred to her that a Princess by definition must stay
young and beautiful.
Cinderella probably started it all and it was reinforced over and over in
books, movies, conversations and culture.
As a child she wondered about ‘Him’ and played dress-up games with her
friends. They were all called Mrs. and prepared tea for when Mr. came
home. They had bride dolls and baby dolls. They imagined and designed
their future wedded bliss. He, was handsome, successful, rich and
romantic.
Girls were not really expected to worry too much with things like
education or finance. That was unless you were a ‘Plain Jane’. No, boys
don’t like girls if they are too smart anyway. Beauty is the key – beauty is
everything. Beauty is your ticket into ‘happily ever after’.
Happily ever after always had me a bit baffled. Most girls seemed to be
very comfortable with the story ending at happily ever after. It nagged at
me a bit - well actually it worried me quite a lot. I kind of perceived it to be
a little like death. It seemed to me that when you got married your story
finished. If happily ever after was so wonderful then why didn’t it become
another story; an even better story?Another thing that really confused
me was that as a teenager we were all very obsessed with our looks and
working our magic, but something seemed very, very strange. The
married women in my town were anything but examples of happily ever
after. I don’t mean to be unkind, but these women really scared me. The
men were neither princes nor charming.
(I wondered about the girl who kissed the frog who became the prince. A
lot of warts I would expect and probably that’s not too far from reality
either.)
Well I don’t know who had warts or who had what; I was just observing
and wondering. I saw men who drank too much and yelled too loud.
Women in thread bare dresses and grubby little kids hanging off them.
Hair in plastic curlers and clothes pegs in mouths. Daytime soaps and
talk-back radio. I certainly knew nothing about ‘all the riches in the land’.
Enough to buy fags for the week and a punt on the pony’s maybe, but no
diamonds or mink coats which were the status symbols at the time.
Things have changed a little since then and women of today are at least
questioning some of these issues. Thankfully, woman now are gaining
education, good jobs and independent incomes. Many are also finding
they are quite capable of looking after children on their own rather than
enduring abusive relationships. To hear women talk you would think that
they really have analyzed and resolved their Cinderella conflicts, but
have they?
Does intellect really root out those childhood expectations? Do we still
believe that a woman must be beautiful to attract and keep a mate? How
much of our happiness and security depends of our youth and sexuality?
Aren’t successful, intelligent, middle aged women still secretly dreaming
of ‘Him’? One marriage, two marriage, three marriage, four!
Perhaps if Cinderella Part 2 had ever been written we might have
discovered that Cinderella did indeed live happily ever after. She might
have passed through the natural stages of life with grace and charm.
She may have surrendered the things of youth easily and naturally as
she evolved into a complete and competent woman within her own right.
Perhaps her prince’s initial lust and fascination gave way to a deeper
respect, friendship and trust that formed such a bond and deep, genuine
love, that they did indeed live happily ever after. Isn’t it possible that her
warmth, generosity, wisdom, humour and true nature were of greater
value as they both evolved?
I do believe that this could be a likely scenario. I certainly appreciate the
appeal of youth, beauty and sensuality, but it is not my measure of
human value. These things would probably gain my attention for about
ten minutes. I am not going to suggest that good looking people are
dumb or vacuous, although this is often very stereotypical;
it’s not right either. Being good looking does not make a person stupid
anymore than being plain makes someone more interesting. We also
need to accept that being wealthy is not a measure of value as a human
being. Money is good and can make life on many levels a little easier, but
it doesn’t make all wealthy men ideal husbands nor does it mean that
lacking wealth makes a man an inferior partner.
We just need to do away with all of these unrealistic expectations and
judgments and define what is true for ourselves. It is certainly easy
enough to just sit for a minute or two and ask yourself why you do love
the people you do. I think that your list might be very similar to mine;
integrity, humour, empathy, warmth, intelligence and anything that
engages or connects me to that person. I really would rather be sitting
with a funny, interesting fat boy at the back of the room rather than
staring up at a male stripper on stage - that’s for sure.
If we are able to get clear on what we need and want then maybe we
could dismantle and reconstruct our Cinderella delusion.
Now, this is where things get really interesting. Billions and billions of
dollars change hands due to clever marketing tactic; cashing in on our
Cinderella belief. In the extreme, women can be so convinced that beauty
is the only measure of self worth that they will literally destroy
themselves. Do you think I’m kidding? Warm, wonderful, valuable, clever,
talented people are going to take themselves right out of the game of life.
They are going to do it deliberately and willingly and I will tell you why.
Brainwashing. It is so incredibly easy to do as we have already bought
into the princess belief as children. Reinforcing the idea that being
beautiful makes us happy or that lack of beauty makes us undesirable is
the perfect marketing formula. Powerful and effective marketing requires
subtle, consistent and emotionally charged interpretation. Everywhere we
look we see imagery of beauty and youth attaining success, love,
romance, sex, wealth, admiration, security and happiness. Not so obvious
is the underlying message that without beauty, we are not worthy nor are
we capable of having these things.
Men are victimized too, but their version of self worth is tied in to money,
success, power and prestige. Lives are being totally destroyed by the
belief in this BS! It’s not true. It’s not even logical and it’s as clear as day,
but we still believe it. Not only do we believe it; we actually promote it
ourselves. The effect of this kind of marketing is that people diminish
themselves to the point of total worthlessness and disappear into
themselves. The really sad and pathetic motivation behind it all is simply
greed and making money. And we have bought it all; the belief, the
solution and the products. We allowed them to break us and then to fix
us and we paid a lot of money for the privilege.
Get this - some clever-dick is going to package a jar of mud, put it in a
crystal jar and go on TV and convince us that this gunk will smooth out
wrinkles and give you a youthful, alluring completion. His mate, a bigger
and more ambitious conman can’t believe the amount of dollars rolling in
and decides to crank it up a bit. He has a magic syringe which pumps
poison into your face, paralyses your expression and calls it ‘a cure for
frown and smile lines’. It’s phenomenal! He makes a bundle and inspires
many others to come up with all kinds gimmicks and gadgets.
Well, no one in their right mind would believe this nonsense!
That is unless it’s repeated over and over. That’s the thing with
brainwashing; it needs repetition. It also helps to have testimonials; we
like to know others have tried it and can confirm it works for them.
Celebrities (another marketing tool) wouldn’t endorse crap if it wasn’t true
would they? Beautiful celebrities (The epitome of happily ever after) show
us their secrets to success:
Silicone bags inserted into breasts
Vacuums sucking out thighs
Daisy Duck lips
Acid skin peels
Plastic nose, cheeks and chin
And sew and tighten up that vagina!
You have got to be joking – no one would be fooled into doing that!
Billions of bucks say that you are wrong. All it takes is to convince you
that you are not okay, you are not worthy, not lovable and not ever going
to be happy. And that is so easy to do because right from the start you
were brainwashed into believing that love is only for the young, the
beautiful and the rich. You probably don’t realize this either, but you, yes
you, are a part of the propaganda and you are endorsing and promoting
it.
Your ridiculous stiletto shoes which have deformed your feet and
weakened your knees and ankles are a part of the game. The yo-yo
dieting, binging and purging. Your outrageously expensive clothing,
perfumes and cosmetics are all a part you play in perpetuating ‘The
Beauty Myth’.
Now don’t get me wrong here, I am not opposed to people looking good. I
totally agree that looking good can make us feel good. I am also aware
that looking good can be attractive and alluring. BUT, it’s Not All That!
It’s the lies that I find offensive; the stupidity and the destruction that
those lies perpetuate. I’m not talking about make-up covering blemishes
or enhancing skin tone, I am talking about the cosmetic industry covering
up true beauty. I am talking about The Cinderella Complex; our own
participation in maintaining these unrealistic and dangerous beliefs.
Women are competing with other women in a battle of illusion;
disrespecting and destroying themselves and their sisters.
This is what it all boils down to: We have been brainwashed into believing
that youth and beauty equals happiness - which translates into love and
security. That’s the whole Cinderella quest. We all want to love, to be
loved and feel secure. What we have all been brainwashed into believing
is that love and security are only available to the young, beautiful or rich.
Men haven’t escaped either; they are suffering the Prince Charming
scandal as well. Money is the mark of a man. Short, fat, bald, cigar
smoking millionaires dripping with young hopeful starlets – what a
pathetic sight to see! But someone obviously believes it.
I’m not trying to downgrade wealth; having money is good, much better
than not and ditto for beauty. The point is that we have accepted it as a
measure of human value. Much worst than that though, we allow
ourselves to be judged and we judge others by this yardstick. Isn’t it time
that we set examples of human value by being true to who we are? Isn’t
beauty really just a mask? Let’s all just peel it off and have a peek at
what’s inside.
Every age has its own beauty. In many cultures the elders are the wise
and respected members of the community. Or more succinctly the most
loved and honoured. Isn’t it time we all took a more realistic look at these
ideals and worked towards reshaping and reassessing our values? It’s
time for Prince Charming to show some integrity. Tonight as you hot wax
your legs, think of me; curled up on the lounge wearing pajamas and Ugg
boots, laughing, talking and loving my old man. Heh, I’m no Cinderella
myself!
Comments and Suggestions are welcome Email
Copyright Sonya Green - Graphic Gemma Wright
Dove Campaign for real beauty- Take a look at a real photo shoot
him. He dispenses his affection like loose change - amusing himself with
her look of gratitude. For a fleeting moment they both pretend that an
exchange of value has taken place. She remembers a time when he
wanted her with passion. She remembers a time when they all did tricks
for her. She remembers who she was and the power of seduction; the
power of youth, a pretty face, sexuality and vitality. She dreamed dreams
of all things possible. Of course the biggest dream of all echoes through
her girl-child mind, “I want to be a bride”. She so vividly remembers her
wedding day, it was all she ever wanted and often thinks of it as her
‘princess day’.
Daddy called her Princess as he tucked her into bed at night. She
believed she was his princess and never questioned his predictions of
one day becoming a beautiful woman, falling madly in love and living
happily ever after.
What a joke. What a great big fat lie. Was she really so deluded? Was it
bad luck, bad judgment, bad choices or is the dream for only ‘the others’.
It probably never occurred to her that a Princess by definition must stay
young and beautiful.
Cinderella probably started it all and it was reinforced over and over in
books, movies, conversations and culture.
As a child she wondered about ‘Him’ and played dress-up games with her
friends. They were all called Mrs. and prepared tea for when Mr. came
home. They had bride dolls and baby dolls. They imagined and designed
their future wedded bliss. He, was handsome, successful, rich and
romantic.
Girls were not really expected to worry too much with things like
education or finance. That was unless you were a ‘Plain Jane’. No, boys
don’t like girls if they are too smart anyway. Beauty is the key – beauty is
everything. Beauty is your ticket into ‘happily ever after’.
Happily ever after always had me a bit baffled. Most girls seemed to be
very comfortable with the story ending at happily ever after. It nagged at
me a bit - well actually it worried me quite a lot. I kind of perceived it to be
a little like death. It seemed to me that when you got married your story
finished. If happily ever after was so wonderful then why didn’t it become
another story; an even better story?Another thing that really confused
me was that as a teenager we were all very obsessed with our looks and
working our magic, but something seemed very, very strange. The
married women in my town were anything but examples of happily ever
after. I don’t mean to be unkind, but these women really scared me. The
men were neither princes nor charming.
(I wondered about the girl who kissed the frog who became the prince. A
lot of warts I would expect and probably that’s not too far from reality
either.)
Well I don’t know who had warts or who had what; I was just observing
and wondering. I saw men who drank too much and yelled too loud.
Women in thread bare dresses and grubby little kids hanging off them.
Hair in plastic curlers and clothes pegs in mouths. Daytime soaps and
talk-back radio. I certainly knew nothing about ‘all the riches in the land’.
Enough to buy fags for the week and a punt on the pony’s maybe, but no
diamonds or mink coats which were the status symbols at the time.
Things have changed a little since then and women of today are at least
questioning some of these issues. Thankfully, woman now are gaining
education, good jobs and independent incomes. Many are also finding
they are quite capable of looking after children on their own rather than
enduring abusive relationships. To hear women talk you would think that
they really have analyzed and resolved their Cinderella conflicts, but
have they?
Does intellect really root out those childhood expectations? Do we still
believe that a woman must be beautiful to attract and keep a mate? How
much of our happiness and security depends of our youth and sexuality?
Aren’t successful, intelligent, middle aged women still secretly dreaming
of ‘Him’? One marriage, two marriage, three marriage, four!
Perhaps if Cinderella Part 2 had ever been written we might have
discovered that Cinderella did indeed live happily ever after. She might
have passed through the natural stages of life with grace and charm.
She may have surrendered the things of youth easily and naturally as
she evolved into a complete and competent woman within her own right.
Perhaps her prince’s initial lust and fascination gave way to a deeper
respect, friendship and trust that formed such a bond and deep, genuine
love, that they did indeed live happily ever after. Isn’t it possible that her
warmth, generosity, wisdom, humour and true nature were of greater
value as they both evolved?
I do believe that this could be a likely scenario. I certainly appreciate the
appeal of youth, beauty and sensuality, but it is not my measure of
human value. These things would probably gain my attention for about
ten minutes. I am not going to suggest that good looking people are
dumb or vacuous, although this is often very stereotypical;
it’s not right either. Being good looking does not make a person stupid
anymore than being plain makes someone more interesting. We also
need to accept that being wealthy is not a measure of value as a human
being. Money is good and can make life on many levels a little easier, but
it doesn’t make all wealthy men ideal husbands nor does it mean that
lacking wealth makes a man an inferior partner.
We just need to do away with all of these unrealistic expectations and
judgments and define what is true for ourselves. It is certainly easy
enough to just sit for a minute or two and ask yourself why you do love
the people you do. I think that your list might be very similar to mine;
integrity, humour, empathy, warmth, intelligence and anything that
engages or connects me to that person. I really would rather be sitting
with a funny, interesting fat boy at the back of the room rather than
staring up at a male stripper on stage - that’s for sure.
If we are able to get clear on what we need and want then maybe we
could dismantle and reconstruct our Cinderella delusion.
Now, this is where things get really interesting. Billions and billions of
dollars change hands due to clever marketing tactic; cashing in on our
Cinderella belief. In the extreme, women can be so convinced that beauty
is the only measure of self worth that they will literally destroy
themselves. Do you think I’m kidding? Warm, wonderful, valuable, clever,
talented people are going to take themselves right out of the game of life.
They are going to do it deliberately and willingly and I will tell you why.
Brainwashing. It is so incredibly easy to do as we have already bought
into the princess belief as children. Reinforcing the idea that being
beautiful makes us happy or that lack of beauty makes us undesirable is
the perfect marketing formula. Powerful and effective marketing requires
subtle, consistent and emotionally charged interpretation. Everywhere we
look we see imagery of beauty and youth attaining success, love,
romance, sex, wealth, admiration, security and happiness. Not so obvious
is the underlying message that without beauty, we are not worthy nor are
we capable of having these things.
Men are victimized too, but their version of self worth is tied in to money,
success, power and prestige. Lives are being totally destroyed by the
belief in this BS! It’s not true. It’s not even logical and it’s as clear as day,
but we still believe it. Not only do we believe it; we actually promote it
ourselves. The effect of this kind of marketing is that people diminish
themselves to the point of total worthlessness and disappear into
themselves. The really sad and pathetic motivation behind it all is simply
greed and making money. And we have bought it all; the belief, the
solution and the products. We allowed them to break us and then to fix
us and we paid a lot of money for the privilege.
Get this - some clever-dick is going to package a jar of mud, put it in a
crystal jar and go on TV and convince us that this gunk will smooth out
wrinkles and give you a youthful, alluring completion. His mate, a bigger
and more ambitious conman can’t believe the amount of dollars rolling in
and decides to crank it up a bit. He has a magic syringe which pumps
poison into your face, paralyses your expression and calls it ‘a cure for
frown and smile lines’. It’s phenomenal! He makes a bundle and inspires
many others to come up with all kinds gimmicks and gadgets.
Well, no one in their right mind would believe this nonsense!
That is unless it’s repeated over and over. That’s the thing with
brainwashing; it needs repetition. It also helps to have testimonials; we
like to know others have tried it and can confirm it works for them.
Celebrities (another marketing tool) wouldn’t endorse crap if it wasn’t true
would they? Beautiful celebrities (The epitome of happily ever after) show
us their secrets to success:
Silicone bags inserted into breasts
Vacuums sucking out thighs
Daisy Duck lips
Acid skin peels
Plastic nose, cheeks and chin
And sew and tighten up that vagina!
You have got to be joking – no one would be fooled into doing that!
Billions of bucks say that you are wrong. All it takes is to convince you
that you are not okay, you are not worthy, not lovable and not ever going
to be happy. And that is so easy to do because right from the start you
were brainwashed into believing that love is only for the young, the
beautiful and the rich. You probably don’t realize this either, but you, yes
you, are a part of the propaganda and you are endorsing and promoting
it.
Your ridiculous stiletto shoes which have deformed your feet and
weakened your knees and ankles are a part of the game. The yo-yo
dieting, binging and purging. Your outrageously expensive clothing,
perfumes and cosmetics are all a part you play in perpetuating ‘The
Beauty Myth’.
Now don’t get me wrong here, I am not opposed to people looking good. I
totally agree that looking good can make us feel good. I am also aware
that looking good can be attractive and alluring. BUT, it’s Not All That!
It’s the lies that I find offensive; the stupidity and the destruction that
those lies perpetuate. I’m not talking about make-up covering blemishes
or enhancing skin tone, I am talking about the cosmetic industry covering
up true beauty. I am talking about The Cinderella Complex; our own
participation in maintaining these unrealistic and dangerous beliefs.
Women are competing with other women in a battle of illusion;
disrespecting and destroying themselves and their sisters.
This is what it all boils down to: We have been brainwashed into believing
that youth and beauty equals happiness - which translates into love and
security. That’s the whole Cinderella quest. We all want to love, to be
loved and feel secure. What we have all been brainwashed into believing
is that love and security are only available to the young, beautiful or rich.
Men haven’t escaped either; they are suffering the Prince Charming
scandal as well. Money is the mark of a man. Short, fat, bald, cigar
smoking millionaires dripping with young hopeful starlets – what a
pathetic sight to see! But someone obviously believes it.
I’m not trying to downgrade wealth; having money is good, much better
than not and ditto for beauty. The point is that we have accepted it as a
measure of human value. Much worst than that though, we allow
ourselves to be judged and we judge others by this yardstick. Isn’t it time
that we set examples of human value by being true to who we are? Isn’t
beauty really just a mask? Let’s all just peel it off and have a peek at
what’s inside.
Every age has its own beauty. In many cultures the elders are the wise
and respected members of the community. Or more succinctly the most
loved and honoured. Isn’t it time we all took a more realistic look at these
ideals and worked towards reshaping and reassessing our values? It’s
time for Prince Charming to show some integrity. Tonight as you hot wax
your legs, think of me; curled up on the lounge wearing pajamas and Ugg
boots, laughing, talking and loving my old man. Heh, I’m no Cinderella
myself!
Comments and Suggestions are welcome Email
Copyright Sonya Green - Graphic Gemma Wright
Dove Campaign for real beauty- Take a look at a real photo shoot
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| Heal your heart, Love your body and claim your Joy! These articles are now available in paperback. Click the book cover to find out more. |
| EBook also available. Instant download for only $8 |
