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| Bipolar and Addiction Signs of drug use An interview with someone who has been there (Part 2) |
| Heal your Heart - Love your Body - Live your Joy! Simply Stunning healing meditations! A Profound and Beautiful healing experience Instant downloads Buy now Click CD's for more info. Read what others say Click cover for info |
Yesterday, Barry and I sat for many hours, I asked him if he would mind if I asked him point-blank
questions. I could have researched a great deal of information, but I knew that Barry would give me real
insight rather than an academic blah, blah, blah.
Of course, the two big questions I wanted answered were:
Why did you get into drugs and what was it that made you decide to quit?
He jumped right in on his decision to quit by opening his arms out wide and looking me in the eye “I wanted
to live”.
“I had overdosed a couple of times before, and believe it or not, I was too embarrassed to get help. I was
also concerned about being busted or having my friends implicated. I didn’t want my family to know nor did
I want information on my medical records. I just believed I could get through it by myself and perhaps on
some level, I may have also not cared deeply enough if I lived or died.”
“There was something different – more serious this time, I didn’t know what it was, but on a deep, deep
level I knew the question was written there, “This is the real deal, do you stay or go? and I knew it would
be the last time I would have a choice”.
“I think I was semi-conscious, it was like an out of body experience. In a way I was observing myself as
well as experiencing myself. The experience was of great panic, I felt my body shutting down and at the
same time I was watching as my organs stopped functioning. I felt like my heart was racing and pounding
hard in my chest. Yet, at the same time, I felt like it was stopping altogether. I wanted to speak, but I
couldn’t get enough air to breath. All I could do was silently call out for help. Nothing is more frightening
than silent screaming!”
“I’m not sure how I got to the hospital, but I seem to remember everyone in the waiting room turned to
look at me and people ran in slow motion towards me. I thought to myself, “I’ve made it,” and then I
slipped away.
Is this when you started the treatment?
“Yes, and I really committed myself to giving it all that I had. I had promised myself, my family and God,
that this time I would do it with every fibre of my being. I slipped though, and for months I would go in
spurts, falling down and then climbing back up only to fall back down again.”
“Over the years I had done a lot of damage to myself physically. However, with the drugs I was rarely
aware of the pain and hadn’t paid a lot of attention to it. Without the drugs, I was in physical pain and on
many occasions I could feel my heart stop. I felt like I would pass out and would lie down, hold my breath
and push down into my heart to start it up again. I had also lost a lot of weight and often just felt weak and
sickly.”
“The hardest part was controlling the mind and the emotions. I was obsessed with watching myself and had
a continual dialogue going in my mind every minute of the day. The days were long as well as I rarely slept.
All the time my head just kept talking about why I should or shouldn’t have ‘just a little a taste of
something’. Emotionally, I was destroyed, I was beyond despair and I will never be able to put into words
how frightening that can be.”
“Socially there are problems as well. My friends were drug related, so I needed to avoid them, but at the
same time I missed them and experienced great loneliness. They understood me and I believe they loved
me, they were my source of fun and entertainment. Drug friends are not judgemental and they provide
empathy like no one else can. The social dynamics are exciting, interesting and stimulating. Straight people
all have opinions and lots of advice, but the underlying disapproval is loud and clear. Although they don’t
mean to, they really make you feel like less than nothing.”
Methadone seems to be the standard treatment, but it appears to be a less than perfect solution.
Why did it work for you this time, when it hadn’t before?
“Methadone takes the edge off and allows you to at least function more normally. It is also strictly
monitored and you must undergo testing to prove that you are not taking other things as well. The theory is
that the dose can be gradually reduced over time until you can withdraw from the addiction completely. It is
often also recommended that some form of psychotherapy should be employed to address the emotional or
underlying factors.
“I lucked out when I met Dr Neil Beck, in his clinic in Perth. He discovered that I had Bipolar and
explained that this was very common with alcoholics and drug addicts, which is why it is one of the first
things he looks for when he does his initial examination.”
Bipolar Disorder is a new name for manic depression. People with bipolar experience depression so deeply
that they can become suicidal or at least experience such despair that they just can’t think straight. Barry
mentioned that ever since childhood he has thought it was normal to feel this self-loathing, panic,
hopelessness and isolation. His sense of loneliness had ached into his bones and lasted for many days at a
time. He recalled how he needed to lock himself away for days in a dark room and just try to go invisible. It’
s a screaming sense of abandonment, so great that you feel that you are dropping into an endless pit of
nothing and disappearing.
He describes it as, “Being a black dot - falling into a black tunnel - no one knows you exist and no one will
ever rescue you”.
The flip side of bipolar is that you swing the other way and experience a God-like sense of yourself. You
become a genius, you’re invincible and energized. A sense of peace and love or euphoria fills you, you can
conquer the world. It’s quite common to think that this aspect of bipolar is a good thing – but it’s not. The
‘Super Me’ phase of bipolar often leads to reckless decisions and subsequently bad consequences. Often
people with bipolar will spend all of their money or use credit cards during this manic period. They will
initiate business deals or sign contracts or make promises which can’t be kept. They are also likely to try
dangerous things while feeling invincible.
I knew as soon as Barry explained bipolar to me that he was explaining Stephen’s behaviour to me.
If only…
Click the next button to Part 3
Treatment and Recovery
questions. I could have researched a great deal of information, but I knew that Barry would give me real
insight rather than an academic blah, blah, blah.
Of course, the two big questions I wanted answered were:
Why did you get into drugs and what was it that made you decide to quit?
He jumped right in on his decision to quit by opening his arms out wide and looking me in the eye “I wanted
to live”.
“I had overdosed a couple of times before, and believe it or not, I was too embarrassed to get help. I was
also concerned about being busted or having my friends implicated. I didn’t want my family to know nor did
I want information on my medical records. I just believed I could get through it by myself and perhaps on
some level, I may have also not cared deeply enough if I lived or died.”
“There was something different – more serious this time, I didn’t know what it was, but on a deep, deep
level I knew the question was written there, “This is the real deal, do you stay or go? and I knew it would
be the last time I would have a choice”.
“I think I was semi-conscious, it was like an out of body experience. In a way I was observing myself as
well as experiencing myself. The experience was of great panic, I felt my body shutting down and at the
same time I was watching as my organs stopped functioning. I felt like my heart was racing and pounding
hard in my chest. Yet, at the same time, I felt like it was stopping altogether. I wanted to speak, but I
couldn’t get enough air to breath. All I could do was silently call out for help. Nothing is more frightening
than silent screaming!”
“I’m not sure how I got to the hospital, but I seem to remember everyone in the waiting room turned to
look at me and people ran in slow motion towards me. I thought to myself, “I’ve made it,” and then I
slipped away.
Is this when you started the treatment?
“Yes, and I really committed myself to giving it all that I had. I had promised myself, my family and God,
that this time I would do it with every fibre of my being. I slipped though, and for months I would go in
spurts, falling down and then climbing back up only to fall back down again.”
“Over the years I had done a lot of damage to myself physically. However, with the drugs I was rarely
aware of the pain and hadn’t paid a lot of attention to it. Without the drugs, I was in physical pain and on
many occasions I could feel my heart stop. I felt like I would pass out and would lie down, hold my breath
and push down into my heart to start it up again. I had also lost a lot of weight and often just felt weak and
sickly.”
“The hardest part was controlling the mind and the emotions. I was obsessed with watching myself and had
a continual dialogue going in my mind every minute of the day. The days were long as well as I rarely slept.
All the time my head just kept talking about why I should or shouldn’t have ‘just a little a taste of
something’. Emotionally, I was destroyed, I was beyond despair and I will never be able to put into words
how frightening that can be.”
“Socially there are problems as well. My friends were drug related, so I needed to avoid them, but at the
same time I missed them and experienced great loneliness. They understood me and I believe they loved
me, they were my source of fun and entertainment. Drug friends are not judgemental and they provide
empathy like no one else can. The social dynamics are exciting, interesting and stimulating. Straight people
all have opinions and lots of advice, but the underlying disapproval is loud and clear. Although they don’t
mean to, they really make you feel like less than nothing.”
Methadone seems to be the standard treatment, but it appears to be a less than perfect solution.
Why did it work for you this time, when it hadn’t before?
“Methadone takes the edge off and allows you to at least function more normally. It is also strictly
monitored and you must undergo testing to prove that you are not taking other things as well. The theory is
that the dose can be gradually reduced over time until you can withdraw from the addiction completely. It is
often also recommended that some form of psychotherapy should be employed to address the emotional or
underlying factors.
“I lucked out when I met Dr Neil Beck, in his clinic in Perth. He discovered that I had Bipolar and
explained that this was very common with alcoholics and drug addicts, which is why it is one of the first
things he looks for when he does his initial examination.”
Bipolar Disorder is a new name for manic depression. People with bipolar experience depression so deeply
that they can become suicidal or at least experience such despair that they just can’t think straight. Barry
mentioned that ever since childhood he has thought it was normal to feel this self-loathing, panic,
hopelessness and isolation. His sense of loneliness had ached into his bones and lasted for many days at a
time. He recalled how he needed to lock himself away for days in a dark room and just try to go invisible. It’
s a screaming sense of abandonment, so great that you feel that you are dropping into an endless pit of
nothing and disappearing.
He describes it as, “Being a black dot - falling into a black tunnel - no one knows you exist and no one will
ever rescue you”.
The flip side of bipolar is that you swing the other way and experience a God-like sense of yourself. You
become a genius, you’re invincible and energized. A sense of peace and love or euphoria fills you, you can
conquer the world. It’s quite common to think that this aspect of bipolar is a good thing – but it’s not. The
‘Super Me’ phase of bipolar often leads to reckless decisions and subsequently bad consequences. Often
people with bipolar will spend all of their money or use credit cards during this manic period. They will
initiate business deals or sign contracts or make promises which can’t be kept. They are also likely to try
dangerous things while feeling invincible.
I knew as soon as Barry explained bipolar to me that he was explaining Stephen’s behaviour to me.
If only…
Click the next button to Part 3
Treatment and Recovery
| Heal your Heart, Love your Body and Live your Joy! These articles are now available in paperback. Click the book cover to find out more. Paypal secure payment. |
Signs of Drug Use
I told her as much about Stephen as I could remember and recounted a number
of other instances in which I had witnessed or known about drug abuse over
the years. The more I disclosed, the clearer a lot of strange things became to
her. She started to piece things together as she realized that she had been
oblivious to so much.
She realized that Barry had been keeping very strange hours for a long time, up
or out all night and asleep all day. The fidgeting, fast talking and scratching, the
glassy eyes and the dramatic weight loss. Most of his personal possessions
were gone and many of hers had disappeared as well. The phone often rang
late at night and Barry would whisper into it. The calls were very short and he
would leave the house soon after. She no longer knew the people who would
call, but they were often quite abrupt when she said Barry was not home.
Sometimes he would eat nothing for days, and at other times he would eat
ravenously. He often laughed uncontrollably at nothing in particular. He started
wearing long sleeved shirts on hot days. He also seemed to have been having a
lot of bad luck lately. He had been mugged a couple of times, had money stolen
or cheques bounced. Additionally, he had been unable to get home a few times
and seemed to be falling out with a lot of people.
He also seemed to be having a lot of good luck as well. Often he made a lot of
extra money or people seemed to be giving him a lot of stuff. He had made
many new friends and had become very outgoing and popular.
When she asked him about some of these things, he gave answers which didn’t
make sense. If she pushed it, he would become angry or turn on her and
accuse her of calling him a liar or not trusting him. Sometimes, it became so
tense that he would turn and walk out. In the end, she was stunned when he
would verbally abuse her and swear at her, which he had never done before.
He had become so moody, that she often felt anxious when he was at home.
Sometimes, he would be enthusiastic about a new idea that he had and excited
about the potential money that he was about to make. Then a day or two later,
he would go off of that idea and stay in bed all day. He took to wearing
headphones most of the time, she was sure it was to avoid speaking with her.
He also spent most of his time at home alone in his room. His bedroom often
had a strange smell to it, but he said that he was using incense or room
deodorizers.
A year or two has passed since the initial call from Barry’s mother. During this
time he has had a series of therapies with varying degrees of success. Last year
he was fortunate enough to be referred to a clinic and a doctor who managed
to change everything for him. Today he is drug free, healthy, wiser and happier
than he has ever been.
During this time, Barry and I talked often. As much as I would like to say that I
helped him, I did nothing other than to observe and listen. The truth is that His
experience, insight and honesty helped me enormously. I believe that his
experiences and his ability and willingness to share them with others, will be of
great benefit to many of the people he may be able to reach in the future.
The amazing thing about Barry is that he is able to chase down his demons, sit
with them, inspect and analyse them, work through the fear and confusion of
them, and then come through and articulate the experience. His combination of
intelligence, courage, insight and humility is phenomenal. Barry has walked
through hell and back, paying attention to every detail along the way. His hope
in telling his story is that others may be saved from travelling down the same
path.
I told her as much about Stephen as I could remember and recounted a number
of other instances in which I had witnessed or known about drug abuse over
the years. The more I disclosed, the clearer a lot of strange things became to
her. She started to piece things together as she realized that she had been
oblivious to so much.
She realized that Barry had been keeping very strange hours for a long time, up
or out all night and asleep all day. The fidgeting, fast talking and scratching, the
glassy eyes and the dramatic weight loss. Most of his personal possessions
were gone and many of hers had disappeared as well. The phone often rang
late at night and Barry would whisper into it. The calls were very short and he
would leave the house soon after. She no longer knew the people who would
call, but they were often quite abrupt when she said Barry was not home.
Sometimes he would eat nothing for days, and at other times he would eat
ravenously. He often laughed uncontrollably at nothing in particular. He started
wearing long sleeved shirts on hot days. He also seemed to have been having a
lot of bad luck lately. He had been mugged a couple of times, had money stolen
or cheques bounced. Additionally, he had been unable to get home a few times
and seemed to be falling out with a lot of people.
He also seemed to be having a lot of good luck as well. Often he made a lot of
extra money or people seemed to be giving him a lot of stuff. He had made
many new friends and had become very outgoing and popular.
When she asked him about some of these things, he gave answers which didn’t
make sense. If she pushed it, he would become angry or turn on her and
accuse her of calling him a liar or not trusting him. Sometimes, it became so
tense that he would turn and walk out. In the end, she was stunned when he
would verbally abuse her and swear at her, which he had never done before.
He had become so moody, that she often felt anxious when he was at home.
Sometimes, he would be enthusiastic about a new idea that he had and excited
about the potential money that he was about to make. Then a day or two later,
he would go off of that idea and stay in bed all day. He took to wearing
headphones most of the time, she was sure it was to avoid speaking with her.
He also spent most of his time at home alone in his room. His bedroom often
had a strange smell to it, but he said that he was using incense or room
deodorizers.
A year or two has passed since the initial call from Barry’s mother. During this
time he has had a series of therapies with varying degrees of success. Last year
he was fortunate enough to be referred to a clinic and a doctor who managed
to change everything for him. Today he is drug free, healthy, wiser and happier
than he has ever been.
During this time, Barry and I talked often. As much as I would like to say that I
helped him, I did nothing other than to observe and listen. The truth is that His
experience, insight and honesty helped me enormously. I believe that his
experiences and his ability and willingness to share them with others, will be of
great benefit to many of the people he may be able to reach in the future.
The amazing thing about Barry is that he is able to chase down his demons, sit
with them, inspect and analyse them, work through the fear and confusion of
them, and then come through and articulate the experience. His combination of
intelligence, courage, insight and humility is phenomenal. Barry has walked
through hell and back, paying attention to every detail along the way. His hope
in telling his story is that others may be saved from travelling down the same
path.
| Heal your heart, Love your body and claim your Joy! These articles are now available in paperback. Click the book cover to find out more. |
| EBook also available. Instant download for only $8 |
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someone who would benefit from visiting these pages - Trust Your Intuition and send them the link.
If you would like to copy an article to your site or blog, you are welcome to do so, but must note copyright Sonya
Green and refer to www.reinventingmyself.com
If you would like to support this site you might consider emailing in suggestions or comments, a small donation,
purchasing a product or visiting the links to our sponsors.