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| The Value of Self-Esteem Can you put your emotions into perspective so that you are able to think clearly and act appropriately? By Peter Shepherd |
| Heal your Heart - Love your Body - Live your Joy! Simply Stunning! 3 guided meditations on one CD. Access higher wisdom, intuition and insights. Change habits, activate healing energies and free yourself from emotional trauma. Beautifully and expertly scripted and backed by Mike Rowlands amazing Fairy Ring music. Click CD's for more info. |
Improving Your Self Esteem
Maybe you know how to 'look inside', feel relaxed and resourceful, but don't
know how to bring this experience into material reality. In other words you
can connect with your inner self but can't so easily act upon this connection -
you can imagine and be inspired but can't put this into effect.
Perhaps you can act in a fairly spontaneous way but do not feel there is any
more to your life than that which appears before your eyes. In this case you
are finding it difficult to connect to your real goals and aspirations.
You may be very emotionally aware and sensitive to other people's feelings. If
so, you are in touch with your feelings but does this gift work for you? Can
you put your emotions into perspective so that you are able to think clearly
and act appropriately?
Perhaps you are very good at understanding ideas and thinking rationally but
your thoughts stay in your head and you aren't able to act upon on them. Or
perhaps you find it difficult to express your feelings clearly about those issues.
Proper balance of self-connection, thought, feeling and action is the key to
creativity and when we operate with creative consciousness we are high in
self-esteem.
No doubt some times you have felt inspired to act - to make or say or do
something. There is an extraordinary rush of energy and clarity that
accompanies this. You feel excited, can't wait to begin and everything seems
possible. But putting the vision into effect can be a sobering process. Spirit
meets the resistance of materiality and the vision fades. We may fall back into
habitual, limiting thought and behavior patterns and the new perspective
becomes obscured. But if we can hold on to the spiritual connection and
integrate it with the mental, emotional and behavioral aspects of our self, we
can 'makes things happen' and experience our creative potential.
As we get to know and trust our inner intuitive awareness, this produces a
clarity of thought which illuminates the areas where we have created blocks -
it throws light on patterns of thought and behavior which are now seen as
inappropriate. It becomes easier to make decisions and act spontaneously.
On the other hand, if we lose touch with the creative source that is our inner
being, we identify with negative thoughts, emotions and behavior patterns. We
can't see them for what they are because we are being them. So at the other
end of the spectrum we see self-conscious people with low self-esteem,
hiding, either in frantic activity or in withdrawal. Imagine yourself in the
following situations:
You are at a party and you don't know anyone except for the host. You have
returned an article of clothing which has split along the seam. The shop
assistant tells you they have a 'no returns' policy. Your doctor is evasive about
answering your questions properly.
In each case, what would you do? How would you feel? What would you be
thinking (underlying your emotions)? And what would be your true desire in
that situation?
When our true desires inform our thinking and our feelings then we are being
true to ourselves and this enhances self-esteem. When our true desires are
submerged by distorted thinking and painful emotions then the resulting
behavior is in conflict and our self-esteem lowers.
Try to set aside some time, each day, to fulfill solely your own needs and for
your own personal enjoyment. This may include doing this course or it may be
with other people but it is for you. The willingness to be self-nurturing plays a
vital part in the development of your 'beingness'. As you start looking at your
own needs and stop playing the victim of other people's demands you will be
treated with more respect because you will gain more self respect.
You are 'going inside yourself' and this requires that you break your
identification with worldly links - you are going beyond your thoughts, feelings
and desires. You will have found that the mind keeps on chattering and trying
to stop it doesn't work, you have to become a detached observer of it, and
then it starts to fade away. What you resist persists.
When we are truly being ourselves, without the barrier of mind chatter and
negative emotions, it is easier to make direct connection between you, the
spiritual being, and the world around you. This is an aesthetic experience, one
of truth. Have you ever become totally absorbed by a project, a picture, a
piece of music, a landscape? The mind becomes concentrated and still and
you feel 'at one'.
A shift in awareness - an awakening - can be triggered by such things as a
dream, a memory, an evocative smell, falling in love, being afraid. It is only
necessary for our defenses to be down (which means we are holding no
preconceived ideas) in order that we can experience something more
intensely, as if for the first time, in a new moment. Can you recall such an
experience of connecting, and the feeling of it?
To experience connection rather than separation, we need to break all
attachments with our thoughts and desires and so learn to suspend our
judgment. It is possible to connect and experience your spiritual self at any
time, whatever you are doing. With Gurdjieff's technique of 'self remembering'
we adopt the role of witness as we go about our everyday lives. The witness
observes all your doings but is non-evaluative; it does not judge your actions
(remember, you are not your actions). For example, you might eat a
chocolate cake and then get annoyed with yourself for having eaten it. The
witness (if and when it arrives) would note: "He is eating a cake; he is
annoyed at himself for doing so". The witness is dispassionate and does not
care what you do, think and feel but simply notes it.
Of course, like stopping thoughts, this is easier said than done. You might be
driving down the street and the witness notes that; you feel content and that is
noted; then someone cuts right in front of you causing you to slam on the
brakes. You forget about witnessing and immediately identify with your
emotions of anger or frustration. Only much later do you remember that you
were attempting to witness! But with practice you find it is possible to 'wake
up' in the middle of a drama and observe a part of yourself hooked by an
emotion; to that degree you have then learned that you are not your emotions,
you have differentiated your real self, the spiritual being that has intrinsic worth
and cannot be judged in the same way that the inappropriate or self-defeating
emotions and behaviors may be. And because you stop judging your self, you
notice that the same applies to others, so you can cease judging them too.
You notice that as you dramatize various thoughts, emotions and behaviors it
is as though you were different people at the time, other little personalities that
come and go as appropriate, but usually reactively, according to patterns of
behavior rather than consciously.
How many you's are there inside you? Very many. By lunch time today you
may have been thoughtful, serious, annoyed, lustful, tired, forgetful, and have
had many fleeting intentions and purposes toward others or ideas about what
you want or don't want. You may have been acting like some person you
admire or not like another who don't want to be associated with. And many,
many other ways of being. Each 'sub-personality' is all-consuming while it
lasts, and some of these sub-personalities may play a major role in your
make-up. Who you think you are may even actually be a sub-personality and
not the real essence of you.
Gurdjieff points out that sometimes one 'you' does something for which every
other 'you' must pay, maybe for the rest of your life. Our sub-personalities are
numerous and ephemeral and many are evaluative and judgmental, and have
plenty of irrational thoughts and beliefs, harmful intentions and painful
emotions attached to them. Each is actually a solution to past problems that is
retained and replayed in the present. To break this ceaseless train of
identifications with the technique of self remembering is to give ourselves
some inner freedom.
The more you use this technique the more powerful it becomes. Each 'you' is
a reflection of a link with a desire, feeling or thought - these are our links with
the material world. By taking on the role of witness we can objectify these
sub-personalities and so break our identification with them.
When we experience our spirituality we recognize our true place in the world
and we know that we have our own vital role to play. This feeling of truly
belonging creates a sense of worthiness which enhances our self-esteem.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Peace Begins in Your Heart
Current events have demonstrated a tremendous desire, on the behalf of
perhaps the majority of people in the world, for peace in their lives. They are
no longer satisfied with the mentality of political conflict, which endangers
economic progress and human rights and freedoms. But most importantly, I
feel that many people are now aware that if we want peace in the world, first
we need to make peace with our own lives. It is human nature that needs to
change, and we are capable of making such a transformation.
Our experience in the world reflects our inner state - yes, this is a kind of
magic but that is the reality, the world is miraculous. I have seen so much
evidence of this when I - or a student or client - have made a genuine shift in
our belief system that resolves an inner conflict, then very soon our real-world
circumstances change accordingly. We mirror our internal state - our
resistance/fear and acceptance/love - in our personal life experience. As a
group we mirror our consciousness in world events. It is our personal
responsibility to become aware of our contribution to the group
consciousness, to help create a better world for ourselves and our loved ones
- which ultimately means for everyone.
So what wars do we wage inside? The purposes and goals that we hold
dearly - some we may have brought into this life or felt most strongly as a
child or young person - are often compromised in the face of problems that
we discover in trying to achieve them, and we may forget about them (actually
suppress them) and opt for safer solutions. Playing the safe game is a sad
conflict with the game we really (still) want to play. We have become
someone else, a substitute for our true self. Reinforcing this position are the
attachments we have come to cling on to, the fears we may have of losing
control of our safe space, the resistance we feel against elements of change,
and the judgments we make that prevent acceptance of what is.
To better our position, to be able to open up our space and express our true
desires, we first need to come to terms with our situation. Our true nature is
an expression of love and that is the quality that we need first to rediscover in
our consciousness.
Before we can contribute, through our consciousness, toward peace in the
world we need to make peace with ourselves. Before we can love others
unconditionally we need to be able to genuinely love ourselves. Before we
can forgive and cease making judgments of others we need to learn how to
forgive ourselves and warmly accept ourselves just as we are.
We all do things we are not proud of, we wouldn't be human if we didn't.
Something that affects others in a way that we would not be willing to
experience ourselves. Sometimes we do something that we know at the time
is wrong, but it seems like the best solution to our situation. Or maybe we are
tempted to put our own interests first. Other times we may be carried away
by emotions of anger or jealousy and do something out of spite we may later
regret. Or we don't do something, like helping a friend in need, that we know
we really should have. Alternatively we may have the best of intentions but
things go wrong, we make a mistake or realize something we have done was
harmful, even though we didn't mean it to be.
The natural tendency when we do something wrong is to try to justify our
actions, to make ourselves right. Or we may say the action was not wrong, it
was deserved, making the other person wrong. Both of these are avoiding the
reality, by denying our own sense of right and wrong and our own
responsibility for our actions. We avoid our feelings of guilt by pretending it
was nothing wrong that we did, indeed it was right. We avoid our feelings of
shame (feeling bad about how others perceive us) by pretending that it is the
other who should be ashamed.
We need to drop our defenses, drop the lies we may have told ourselves to
hide the truth, face up to the reality of our actions and their consequences -
and forgive ourselves.
There is a big bonus to being realistic and truthful - we can learn the valuable
lesson that the experience offers us. Indeed, it's only when we have learned
that lesson that we can let go of the past error and live our life as truly
ourselves in the present.
Life is a journey of learning and the most worthwhile learning is derived from
our personal experiences. When things go right, because we have good
information and appropriate beliefs, then our learning is reinforced by this
positive feedback. When things go wrong, because we have faulty information
and inappropriate beliefs, then we and those at the effect of our actions suffer.
But here we have a chance to learn something new. Much of our new learning
and personal growth does therefore come about as a result of painful
experiences; provided we are willing and open to learn those lessons.
Self-forgiveness recaptures the energy that you were giving away in guilt and
resistance against the past. It frees you to be yourself again - a new, happier
and wiser you.
If we can forgive ourselves then we can more easily forgive others. If we do
not feel able to forgive others then we clearly have not learned to love
ourselves. And the irony is, when we do truly love ourselves, we and others
will not even need any forgiveness, because we are able to accept the past,
present and future as it is, without judgment. Our creation. Discrimination - of
good/bad, right/wrong, ugly/beautiful - is not part of the vocabulary of love.
www.trans4mind.com/
www.reinventingmyself.com/lawofattraction
Maybe you know how to 'look inside', feel relaxed and resourceful, but don't
know how to bring this experience into material reality. In other words you
can connect with your inner self but can't so easily act upon this connection -
you can imagine and be inspired but can't put this into effect.
Perhaps you can act in a fairly spontaneous way but do not feel there is any
more to your life than that which appears before your eyes. In this case you
are finding it difficult to connect to your real goals and aspirations.
You may be very emotionally aware and sensitive to other people's feelings. If
so, you are in touch with your feelings but does this gift work for you? Can
you put your emotions into perspective so that you are able to think clearly
and act appropriately?
Perhaps you are very good at understanding ideas and thinking rationally but
your thoughts stay in your head and you aren't able to act upon on them. Or
perhaps you find it difficult to express your feelings clearly about those issues.
Proper balance of self-connection, thought, feeling and action is the key to
creativity and when we operate with creative consciousness we are high in
self-esteem.
No doubt some times you have felt inspired to act - to make or say or do
something. There is an extraordinary rush of energy and clarity that
accompanies this. You feel excited, can't wait to begin and everything seems
possible. But putting the vision into effect can be a sobering process. Spirit
meets the resistance of materiality and the vision fades. We may fall back into
habitual, limiting thought and behavior patterns and the new perspective
becomes obscured. But if we can hold on to the spiritual connection and
integrate it with the mental, emotional and behavioral aspects of our self, we
can 'makes things happen' and experience our creative potential.
As we get to know and trust our inner intuitive awareness, this produces a
clarity of thought which illuminates the areas where we have created blocks -
it throws light on patterns of thought and behavior which are now seen as
inappropriate. It becomes easier to make decisions and act spontaneously.
On the other hand, if we lose touch with the creative source that is our inner
being, we identify with negative thoughts, emotions and behavior patterns. We
can't see them for what they are because we are being them. So at the other
end of the spectrum we see self-conscious people with low self-esteem,
hiding, either in frantic activity or in withdrawal. Imagine yourself in the
following situations:
You are at a party and you don't know anyone except for the host. You have
returned an article of clothing which has split along the seam. The shop
assistant tells you they have a 'no returns' policy. Your doctor is evasive about
answering your questions properly.
In each case, what would you do? How would you feel? What would you be
thinking (underlying your emotions)? And what would be your true desire in
that situation?
When our true desires inform our thinking and our feelings then we are being
true to ourselves and this enhances self-esteem. When our true desires are
submerged by distorted thinking and painful emotions then the resulting
behavior is in conflict and our self-esteem lowers.
Try to set aside some time, each day, to fulfill solely your own needs and for
your own personal enjoyment. This may include doing this course or it may be
with other people but it is for you. The willingness to be self-nurturing plays a
vital part in the development of your 'beingness'. As you start looking at your
own needs and stop playing the victim of other people's demands you will be
treated with more respect because you will gain more self respect.
You are 'going inside yourself' and this requires that you break your
identification with worldly links - you are going beyond your thoughts, feelings
and desires. You will have found that the mind keeps on chattering and trying
to stop it doesn't work, you have to become a detached observer of it, and
then it starts to fade away. What you resist persists.
When we are truly being ourselves, without the barrier of mind chatter and
negative emotions, it is easier to make direct connection between you, the
spiritual being, and the world around you. This is an aesthetic experience, one
of truth. Have you ever become totally absorbed by a project, a picture, a
piece of music, a landscape? The mind becomes concentrated and still and
you feel 'at one'.
A shift in awareness - an awakening - can be triggered by such things as a
dream, a memory, an evocative smell, falling in love, being afraid. It is only
necessary for our defenses to be down (which means we are holding no
preconceived ideas) in order that we can experience something more
intensely, as if for the first time, in a new moment. Can you recall such an
experience of connecting, and the feeling of it?
To experience connection rather than separation, we need to break all
attachments with our thoughts and desires and so learn to suspend our
judgment. It is possible to connect and experience your spiritual self at any
time, whatever you are doing. With Gurdjieff's technique of 'self remembering'
we adopt the role of witness as we go about our everyday lives. The witness
observes all your doings but is non-evaluative; it does not judge your actions
(remember, you are not your actions). For example, you might eat a
chocolate cake and then get annoyed with yourself for having eaten it. The
witness (if and when it arrives) would note: "He is eating a cake; he is
annoyed at himself for doing so". The witness is dispassionate and does not
care what you do, think and feel but simply notes it.
Of course, like stopping thoughts, this is easier said than done. You might be
driving down the street and the witness notes that; you feel content and that is
noted; then someone cuts right in front of you causing you to slam on the
brakes. You forget about witnessing and immediately identify with your
emotions of anger or frustration. Only much later do you remember that you
were attempting to witness! But with practice you find it is possible to 'wake
up' in the middle of a drama and observe a part of yourself hooked by an
emotion; to that degree you have then learned that you are not your emotions,
you have differentiated your real self, the spiritual being that has intrinsic worth
and cannot be judged in the same way that the inappropriate or self-defeating
emotions and behaviors may be. And because you stop judging your self, you
notice that the same applies to others, so you can cease judging them too.
You notice that as you dramatize various thoughts, emotions and behaviors it
is as though you were different people at the time, other little personalities that
come and go as appropriate, but usually reactively, according to patterns of
behavior rather than consciously.
How many you's are there inside you? Very many. By lunch time today you
may have been thoughtful, serious, annoyed, lustful, tired, forgetful, and have
had many fleeting intentions and purposes toward others or ideas about what
you want or don't want. You may have been acting like some person you
admire or not like another who don't want to be associated with. And many,
many other ways of being. Each 'sub-personality' is all-consuming while it
lasts, and some of these sub-personalities may play a major role in your
make-up. Who you think you are may even actually be a sub-personality and
not the real essence of you.
Gurdjieff points out that sometimes one 'you' does something for which every
other 'you' must pay, maybe for the rest of your life. Our sub-personalities are
numerous and ephemeral and many are evaluative and judgmental, and have
plenty of irrational thoughts and beliefs, harmful intentions and painful
emotions attached to them. Each is actually a solution to past problems that is
retained and replayed in the present. To break this ceaseless train of
identifications with the technique of self remembering is to give ourselves
some inner freedom.
The more you use this technique the more powerful it becomes. Each 'you' is
a reflection of a link with a desire, feeling or thought - these are our links with
the material world. By taking on the role of witness we can objectify these
sub-personalities and so break our identification with them.
When we experience our spirituality we recognize our true place in the world
and we know that we have our own vital role to play. This feeling of truly
belonging creates a sense of worthiness which enhances our self-esteem.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Peace Begins in Your Heart
Current events have demonstrated a tremendous desire, on the behalf of
perhaps the majority of people in the world, for peace in their lives. They are
no longer satisfied with the mentality of political conflict, which endangers
economic progress and human rights and freedoms. But most importantly, I
feel that many people are now aware that if we want peace in the world, first
we need to make peace with our own lives. It is human nature that needs to
change, and we are capable of making such a transformation.
Our experience in the world reflects our inner state - yes, this is a kind of
magic but that is the reality, the world is miraculous. I have seen so much
evidence of this when I - or a student or client - have made a genuine shift in
our belief system that resolves an inner conflict, then very soon our real-world
circumstances change accordingly. We mirror our internal state - our
resistance/fear and acceptance/love - in our personal life experience. As a
group we mirror our consciousness in world events. It is our personal
responsibility to become aware of our contribution to the group
consciousness, to help create a better world for ourselves and our loved ones
- which ultimately means for everyone.
So what wars do we wage inside? The purposes and goals that we hold
dearly - some we may have brought into this life or felt most strongly as a
child or young person - are often compromised in the face of problems that
we discover in trying to achieve them, and we may forget about them (actually
suppress them) and opt for safer solutions. Playing the safe game is a sad
conflict with the game we really (still) want to play. We have become
someone else, a substitute for our true self. Reinforcing this position are the
attachments we have come to cling on to, the fears we may have of losing
control of our safe space, the resistance we feel against elements of change,
and the judgments we make that prevent acceptance of what is.
To better our position, to be able to open up our space and express our true
desires, we first need to come to terms with our situation. Our true nature is
an expression of love and that is the quality that we need first to rediscover in
our consciousness.
Before we can contribute, through our consciousness, toward peace in the
world we need to make peace with ourselves. Before we can love others
unconditionally we need to be able to genuinely love ourselves. Before we
can forgive and cease making judgments of others we need to learn how to
forgive ourselves and warmly accept ourselves just as we are.
We all do things we are not proud of, we wouldn't be human if we didn't.
Something that affects others in a way that we would not be willing to
experience ourselves. Sometimes we do something that we know at the time
is wrong, but it seems like the best solution to our situation. Or maybe we are
tempted to put our own interests first. Other times we may be carried away
by emotions of anger or jealousy and do something out of spite we may later
regret. Or we don't do something, like helping a friend in need, that we know
we really should have. Alternatively we may have the best of intentions but
things go wrong, we make a mistake or realize something we have done was
harmful, even though we didn't mean it to be.
The natural tendency when we do something wrong is to try to justify our
actions, to make ourselves right. Or we may say the action was not wrong, it
was deserved, making the other person wrong. Both of these are avoiding the
reality, by denying our own sense of right and wrong and our own
responsibility for our actions. We avoid our feelings of guilt by pretending it
was nothing wrong that we did, indeed it was right. We avoid our feelings of
shame (feeling bad about how others perceive us) by pretending that it is the
other who should be ashamed.
We need to drop our defenses, drop the lies we may have told ourselves to
hide the truth, face up to the reality of our actions and their consequences -
and forgive ourselves.
There is a big bonus to being realistic and truthful - we can learn the valuable
lesson that the experience offers us. Indeed, it's only when we have learned
that lesson that we can let go of the past error and live our life as truly
ourselves in the present.
Life is a journey of learning and the most worthwhile learning is derived from
our personal experiences. When things go right, because we have good
information and appropriate beliefs, then our learning is reinforced by this
positive feedback. When things go wrong, because we have faulty information
and inappropriate beliefs, then we and those at the effect of our actions suffer.
But here we have a chance to learn something new. Much of our new learning
and personal growth does therefore come about as a result of painful
experiences; provided we are willing and open to learn those lessons.
Self-forgiveness recaptures the energy that you were giving away in guilt and
resistance against the past. It frees you to be yourself again - a new, happier
and wiser you.
If we can forgive ourselves then we can more easily forgive others. If we do
not feel able to forgive others then we clearly have not learned to love
ourselves. And the irony is, when we do truly love ourselves, we and others
will not even need any forgiveness, because we are able to accept the past,
present and future as it is, without judgment. Our creation. Discrimination - of
good/bad, right/wrong, ugly/beautiful - is not part of the vocabulary of love.
www.trans4mind.com/
www.reinventingmyself.com/lawofattraction
| Articles by Sonya Green are now available in paperback. Click the book cover to find out more. Or order directly with Paypal secure payment. |