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Diamonds mesmerise me, especially when they are on display under lights.
They look like ice radiating rainbows. That dancing spectrum of colour
makes me think of magical things. Even though diamonds are flawed they
are still considered the most precious of all stones and the most valuable.
When you consider the beauty, the uniqueness and the value of diamonds it
seems appropriate that they would be used as symbols of love.
A burglar on the other hand sees none of that when he is robbing a
jewellery shop. A burglar’s perception of diamonds is that they are valuable
and easy to take. A burglar is only concerned with getting what he wants
and getting away with it.
My question is this: If a jewellery shop is robbed who is ‘The Bad Guy?’
The shop owner? Should he have predicted the robbery?
The diamond? Should a diamond dim its lights and de-value itself as a
protection mechanism?
The burglar? Does a burglar know that he has no right to steal the
diamonds?
It may seem obvious that the burglar is the bad guy. Of course he knew
what he was doing. He had weighed the benefits of his crime against the
risks, it is only his decision that carries any responsibility.
The shop owner may have regrets about his failure to take stronger
measures to protect his valuable diamonds. However, the robbery is not the
shop owner’s fault and his regrets are pointless. The shop owner could
have protected the diamond by locking it up and never letting anyone know
it existed.
It is totally ridiculous to blame the diamond for the robbery. A diamond
must shine and a diamond has every right to be beautiful and valuable. The
diamond might as well have turned itself back into coal.
I am using this analogy and these questions as a comparison to issues of
incest and rape.
The single most devastating aspect of rape or incest is that the victims will
often blame themselves or wonder if they were in someway responsible.
Victims are often asked whether they encouraged their assailant. Did they
have proper security and locks in their home? Did they dress
provocatively? Did they say or do anything to suggest that they wanted
sex? Were they flirting or leading him on? Did they say ‘No’ or scream or
fight back?
These questions spin around and around in the minds of the victims and
sometimes these questions continue for a lifetime. Consciously and logically
the victims know that they were in no way responsible, but the questions
continue to eat away at them and the pain and shame go on and on.
Some rapists and paedophiles may believe that they are being seduced and
see themselves as victims. Men are sexually aroused to a great degree by
what they see, just as I am mesmerized by the spectrum of a diamond. The
difference is in knowing that wanting something does not give anyone the
right to steal it. Rape and incest are thefts. Theft is not about seduction or
provocation.
Young girls, in particular, can be mesmerising. They are sexy, beautiful,
flirtatious and vivacious and they can also represent joy, excitement and
innocence. Anyone with eyes can be enchanted by a pretty young girl.
They are fascinating creatures and very alluring and they have every right to
be. They are diamonds and by their very nature they are precious and
authentic and have every right to be whom and what they are. No one has
the right to take that away or change or damage it.
Society has come a long way in the past few decades in its openness and
understanding of sex and sexuality. Sometimes it seems like we are constantly
talking about it, marketing it, analysing, experimenting, exaggerating, belittling,
pursuing and practising it. Gosh, we are obsessed by it and yet, still so very
confused by it.
Sex can be an act of deep love or an act of violence. It can be a spiritual
connection or a sport, it can be a notch on a belt or a stress buster, it can be a
bargaining tool and it can be bought or sold. It can be dirty or sinful or a great
joy, a normal natural animal instinct and a healthy thrilling bodily function. Men
and woman can be aroused by entirely different stimulations. Some people need
a lot of sex and others rarely want it. Some people have orgasms quickly,
others take much longer and others don’t have them at all.
Sex may be perverted, dangerous, sick and revolting. Many sex acts are illegal,
immoral and taboo. In some cases this is cultural or just subjective. I’m not
about to condemn or preach morality on sex, but I will make one point that I
think should be mandatory: Sex requires consent from all participants. Sex
taken without consent is rape and rape is theft.
Rape-theft is like ‘the taking of a person’s essence’. It can be the theft of
personal space, independence, security, self-esteem, dignity, freedom and
innocence. In some cases, rape will diminish or retard a person’s ability to love
or to trust. Rape is not just a sex-crime, it is an act of violence which damages
another persons mind, body and soul. It is the ultimate act of violence.
Pre-Pubescence and Adolescence
I wonder how any of us came through adolescence alive or sane. Our bodies
were doing the most bizarre things: growing breasts, bleeding, getting hard ons,
breaking voices and sprouting hairs. Hormones had us laughing like maniacs
and then sobbing uncontrollably for no reason at all. The boys wanted to fight
and the girls wanted to kiss.
It was embarrassing, too. Insensitive parents would ask to look under our arms
to see if we had any hairs. They would comment on your ‘little rose buds’
under your tee shirt. We would hear ourselves referred to as ‘jail bait’ and
overhear uncles tell our parents that it was, ‘time to lock up their daughters’.
The boys took to carrying their bags in front of their privates and dreaded the
vibrating motion of the bus. Boys also began referring to having ‘a stiffy.’
By the time I reached High School, most of the boys I had known my entire
childhood became completely different creatures. They looked and acted
differently and their attitude to me and the other girls changed dramatically.
They had become stalkers, hunting alone or in packs. “Show us ya tits!” one
would call out and the rest would laugh. “Want a root?” or “How ‘bout a
finger?” Sometimes we’d be offered lunch money to have a look at or touch a
stiffy.
The boys would brag about how much sex they were getting and who was
easy. Girls lived in dread of being named a ‘go-er’. Nothing destroyed a girl’s
reputation or caused more shame than being referred to as a slut, mole, rooter,
gang-banger or town- bike. Truth had nothing to do with it at all. Sex had all
kinds of names like a naughty, a poke, sink the sausage, a root or screw.
Genitals became willies, rogers, mo-joes, joysticks, pussy, boxes and tunnels of
love.
It seemed to me there were two very distinct differences. The boys wanted sex
and the girls wanted romance.
Getting laid was a ‘badge of honour’ for the boys. ‘Doing it’ made a boy cool.
If he did it with many girls he was even cooler. No boy over the age of
fourteen would ever admit to being a virgin, so most were forced into becoming
creative and convincing liars. For many this habit continued throughout
adulthood!
The confusing thing for the girls was that they were beating the boys off with a
stick most of the time and trying desperately to keep their virginity. Our hymen
was also known as a cherry. According to our mothers it was a highly valued
asset in husband finding and the symbol of being a ‘good girl’.
The rest of the time the girls were desperately trying to attract and catch a
boyfriend. Having a steady boyfriend, especially if he gave you a ‘friendship
ring’ was the ultimate status symbol of being cool if you were a girl.
Boys began to fantasise about sex and became obsessive masturbators. Girls
began to daydream about romance and to this day we don’t really know if they
masturbated or not. Boys who didn’t have sex bragged that they did and girls
who did have sex denied that they did.
Girls daydreamed about having pop stars for boyfriends or made up stories
about a much older boyfriend, someone more mature – like eighteen, who had
left school, had a job and usually owned a motor bike or perhaps a car. Girls
imagined that every song on the radio was written for them and of course they
starred in all the movies. Girls wanted to be pop-stars, actresses, princesses or
models. Boys still just wanted to get laid.
Being beautiful, being cool or being wanted is everything when you are young.
Being thought of as sexy can make a young girl think she is all of that, yet to
many boys it just means, ‘You want a bit!’ Girls soon learned that a certain
look, a toss of the hair, a smile or an outright act of flirtation can be a powerful
thing. It is a powerful, natural and innocent phase of development.
It’s at about this age that girls find out they can also manipulate their fathers
and uncles. Looking good and being ‘The sweet thing,’ wins you admiration,
attention, advantages and sometimes gifts. Girls will flirt with their fathers,
uncles and friends of their brother. This is natural. It’s a normal healthy phase
that children pass through on their way into adulthood. Every girl deserves the
right to pass through this stage with support and acceptance. Being pretty,
being cool, being sexy and flirting are as natural and necessary to their
development as are physical changes.
Throughout nature we have males and females. In all of the species one attracts
the other. It is simply ‘The nature of the beast’. It is only in the human world
that this behaviour is misconstrued or condemned.
No wonder so many adults are sexually dysfunctional, confused and
uncomfortable with their sexuality. Too few of us were allowed to explore or
grow through our sexuality with support or safety.
Being young, pretty, flirtatious and sexy is only part of it. I mention of it here,
as too often, rape and incest victims blame themselves for being violated. They
often get the message that “They asked for it.”
If you did not say out loud, “Rape Me!” then you did not ask for it!
As adults, we may be reasonably confused about sex and sexuality but we
should know that we have a responsibility to protect our young. A flirtatious
and attractive child is entitled to believe that adults are not their predators. It’s
time that we stopped blaming victims and addressed the real issues here.
Children should not be expected to make adult decisions. We must not expect
children to have the maturity, experience or wisdom of an adult. Adults need to
be the adults. We, as a society, need to stop blaming the victims so that the
victims will stop blaming themselves.
Rape and incest are not about attractiveness or sexuality. They are acts of
violence against an innocent people. The decision, the action and the blame are
entirely on the predator.
Rapists target innocent and defenceless people. Children, old ladies, men, boys
and even animals can be the victims of a sexual crime. A rapist may be a
complete stranger. The act of rape can be cruel and down right barbaric.
Victims can be severely and permanently injured and even murdered.
Rape and incest are not always physically violent. The predator may be a family
member, a friend or a trusted and respected member of society. The act itself
may also be quite gentle or seem unintentional. He pretends to be caring, kind
and loving. It is within this realm that the insidious and long-term effects are
sometimes blurred and confused. Often, in this situation, the victim absorbs all
of the blame, guilt and shame. The psychology is really confusing, as hate,
revulsion and self-disgust get mixed in with feelings of love, excitement and
response.
This kind of rape is rarely spoken about and indeed quite often not even
considered to be rape. It very definitely is, it is mind and emotional rape. No
blood and no bruising - just guilt, shame and loss of innocence. Incest usually
falls into this category. Many people think of incest as a big bad stepfather
coming home drunk and violently forcing himself on a child. This is not always
the case. Incest is often loving, sexually pleasurable and exciting to the child.
The adult will often reward the child with gifts and treat them as very special.
The human body is designed to respond to sexual stimulation. A rape or incest
victim may find that they are physically aroused and responsive, yet their mind
is screaming “No!” They want it to stop; they are filled with fear and a deep
sense of something being wrong. At the same, time they may also feel loved by
and trust the rapist. They feel desirable and attractive and often enjoy the sex
and excitement.
This is profoundly confusing to a child and may manifest itself in all kinds of
confused emotions and behaviours in later life. The lines between love and hate,
and pain and pleasure can become quite blurred. Sometimes victims become
rapists themselves. Girls may become women who are drawn to violence and
humiliation in their adult relationships. Sometimes these children become
prostitutes or religious fanatics. Many may subconsciously provoke violent
behaviour as they only feel truly loved by making up after being abused. Many
women living with domestic violence were incest victims. They may not
attracted to ‘nice guys’ and subconsciously seek out dangerous or unstable
men. Many of these men are, of course, incest victims as well.
I was recently discussing this with a friend of mine and mentioned the arousal
and lubrication some women experienced in some rape cases. My point was
that the mind is screaming out ‘No’, yet the body appears to betray the mind by
becoming aroused. Psychologically, this is hard to grasp as the victim somehow
feels that she may have encouraged or enjoyed it. The victim is ashamed to
think that their body was saying yes and they feel betrayed by their own bodies.
My friend pointed out that this is not ‘arousal’ but the body’s ability to protect
itself from harm. Like adrenaline surging through our body when we are under
threat, a woman’s vagina prepares itself when under threat by becoming moist
to protect itself.
The deeper, longer lasting effects of this crime are the psychological and
emotional ones. Being violated in this way robs the victim of personal power,
safety, self-esteem, sexuality, freedom and trust.
The soul of a person longs to love and experience joy. We long to trust and
believe. We need to be admired and respected. Being controlled, manipulated or
violated robs us of all of these things. To have our ability to love or to be loved
taken from us is, above all else, the greatest act of violence and the most
unforgivable.
No one deserves to be violated. We all deserve to feel safe and protected and
we all deserve the right to grow and evolve into happy, healthy adults. Our
homes should be the one place where we can feel safe. Our parents should be
the people whom we trust and depend upon to keep us safe. Our physical,
emotional and psychological make up depends on it.
This is not yours to carry
It is most important to recognise that a sense of shame or guilt may have been
thrust upon you by the wanton act of another person. Carrying that sense with
you for life is a choice that you make. A young victim of incest or rape is
robbed of a very important part of their childhood. They will never get back the
sense of security that they lost, but it is important to remind yourself that, “This
is not yours to carry”. Feeling responsible, holding onto guilt or anger and
feelings of shame are ‘poisons left within you’. They do not belong within you.
Your freedom depends on your leaving those feelings at the original source.
We often hear that we must forgive in order to recover. Forgiveness does not
mean acceptance in any way. Forgiveness is the ability to let go of the ‘poisons
left within you’ by the actions of another, then embracing yourself for who you
truly are. Forgiveness is removing those who harmed you and their actions
completely from your picture of your life.
Personally, I believe that revenge is sweet. Revenge is taking control of your life
and replacing what has been taken away from you with bigger, better and
brighter feelings of self-esteem, trust and self-worth.
Revenge is letting responsibility lie with the abuser and not carrying it with you.
Revenge is sweetest when we take back our ability to love and to be loved.
A diamond must shine. A diamond has every right to be Unique,
Beautiful and Valuable.
Copyright Sonya Green
They look like ice radiating rainbows. That dancing spectrum of colour
makes me think of magical things. Even though diamonds are flawed they
are still considered the most precious of all stones and the most valuable.
When you consider the beauty, the uniqueness and the value of diamonds it
seems appropriate that they would be used as symbols of love.
A burglar on the other hand sees none of that when he is robbing a
jewellery shop. A burglar’s perception of diamonds is that they are valuable
and easy to take. A burglar is only concerned with getting what he wants
and getting away with it.
My question is this: If a jewellery shop is robbed who is ‘The Bad Guy?’
The shop owner? Should he have predicted the robbery?
The diamond? Should a diamond dim its lights and de-value itself as a
protection mechanism?
The burglar? Does a burglar know that he has no right to steal the
diamonds?
It may seem obvious that the burglar is the bad guy. Of course he knew
what he was doing. He had weighed the benefits of his crime against the
risks, it is only his decision that carries any responsibility.
The shop owner may have regrets about his failure to take stronger
measures to protect his valuable diamonds. However, the robbery is not the
shop owner’s fault and his regrets are pointless. The shop owner could
have protected the diamond by locking it up and never letting anyone know
it existed.
It is totally ridiculous to blame the diamond for the robbery. A diamond
must shine and a diamond has every right to be beautiful and valuable. The
diamond might as well have turned itself back into coal.
I am using this analogy and these questions as a comparison to issues of
incest and rape.
The single most devastating aspect of rape or incest is that the victims will
often blame themselves or wonder if they were in someway responsible.
Victims are often asked whether they encouraged their assailant. Did they
have proper security and locks in their home? Did they dress
provocatively? Did they say or do anything to suggest that they wanted
sex? Were they flirting or leading him on? Did they say ‘No’ or scream or
fight back?
These questions spin around and around in the minds of the victims and
sometimes these questions continue for a lifetime. Consciously and logically
the victims know that they were in no way responsible, but the questions
continue to eat away at them and the pain and shame go on and on.
Some rapists and paedophiles may believe that they are being seduced and
see themselves as victims. Men are sexually aroused to a great degree by
what they see, just as I am mesmerized by the spectrum of a diamond. The
difference is in knowing that wanting something does not give anyone the
right to steal it. Rape and incest are thefts. Theft is not about seduction or
provocation.
Young girls, in particular, can be mesmerising. They are sexy, beautiful,
flirtatious and vivacious and they can also represent joy, excitement and
innocence. Anyone with eyes can be enchanted by a pretty young girl.
They are fascinating creatures and very alluring and they have every right to
be. They are diamonds and by their very nature they are precious and
authentic and have every right to be whom and what they are. No one has
the right to take that away or change or damage it.
Society has come a long way in the past few decades in its openness and
understanding of sex and sexuality. Sometimes it seems like we are constantly
talking about it, marketing it, analysing, experimenting, exaggerating, belittling,
pursuing and practising it. Gosh, we are obsessed by it and yet, still so very
confused by it.
Sex can be an act of deep love or an act of violence. It can be a spiritual
connection or a sport, it can be a notch on a belt or a stress buster, it can be a
bargaining tool and it can be bought or sold. It can be dirty or sinful or a great
joy, a normal natural animal instinct and a healthy thrilling bodily function. Men
and woman can be aroused by entirely different stimulations. Some people need
a lot of sex and others rarely want it. Some people have orgasms quickly,
others take much longer and others don’t have them at all.
Sex may be perverted, dangerous, sick and revolting. Many sex acts are illegal,
immoral and taboo. In some cases this is cultural or just subjective. I’m not
about to condemn or preach morality on sex, but I will make one point that I
think should be mandatory: Sex requires consent from all participants. Sex
taken without consent is rape and rape is theft.
Rape-theft is like ‘the taking of a person’s essence’. It can be the theft of
personal space, independence, security, self-esteem, dignity, freedom and
innocence. In some cases, rape will diminish or retard a person’s ability to love
or to trust. Rape is not just a sex-crime, it is an act of violence which damages
another persons mind, body and soul. It is the ultimate act of violence.
Pre-Pubescence and Adolescence
I wonder how any of us came through adolescence alive or sane. Our bodies
were doing the most bizarre things: growing breasts, bleeding, getting hard ons,
breaking voices and sprouting hairs. Hormones had us laughing like maniacs
and then sobbing uncontrollably for no reason at all. The boys wanted to fight
and the girls wanted to kiss.
It was embarrassing, too. Insensitive parents would ask to look under our arms
to see if we had any hairs. They would comment on your ‘little rose buds’
under your tee shirt. We would hear ourselves referred to as ‘jail bait’ and
overhear uncles tell our parents that it was, ‘time to lock up their daughters’.
The boys took to carrying their bags in front of their privates and dreaded the
vibrating motion of the bus. Boys also began referring to having ‘a stiffy.’
By the time I reached High School, most of the boys I had known my entire
childhood became completely different creatures. They looked and acted
differently and their attitude to me and the other girls changed dramatically.
They had become stalkers, hunting alone or in packs. “Show us ya tits!” one
would call out and the rest would laugh. “Want a root?” or “How ‘bout a
finger?” Sometimes we’d be offered lunch money to have a look at or touch a
stiffy.
The boys would brag about how much sex they were getting and who was
easy. Girls lived in dread of being named a ‘go-er’. Nothing destroyed a girl’s
reputation or caused more shame than being referred to as a slut, mole, rooter,
gang-banger or town- bike. Truth had nothing to do with it at all. Sex had all
kinds of names like a naughty, a poke, sink the sausage, a root or screw.
Genitals became willies, rogers, mo-joes, joysticks, pussy, boxes and tunnels of
love.
It seemed to me there were two very distinct differences. The boys wanted sex
and the girls wanted romance.
Getting laid was a ‘badge of honour’ for the boys. ‘Doing it’ made a boy cool.
If he did it with many girls he was even cooler. No boy over the age of
fourteen would ever admit to being a virgin, so most were forced into becoming
creative and convincing liars. For many this habit continued throughout
adulthood!
The confusing thing for the girls was that they were beating the boys off with a
stick most of the time and trying desperately to keep their virginity. Our hymen
was also known as a cherry. According to our mothers it was a highly valued
asset in husband finding and the symbol of being a ‘good girl’.
The rest of the time the girls were desperately trying to attract and catch a
boyfriend. Having a steady boyfriend, especially if he gave you a ‘friendship
ring’ was the ultimate status symbol of being cool if you were a girl.
Boys began to fantasise about sex and became obsessive masturbators. Girls
began to daydream about romance and to this day we don’t really know if they
masturbated or not. Boys who didn’t have sex bragged that they did and girls
who did have sex denied that they did.
Girls daydreamed about having pop stars for boyfriends or made up stories
about a much older boyfriend, someone more mature – like eighteen, who had
left school, had a job and usually owned a motor bike or perhaps a car. Girls
imagined that every song on the radio was written for them and of course they
starred in all the movies. Girls wanted to be pop-stars, actresses, princesses or
models. Boys still just wanted to get laid.
Being beautiful, being cool or being wanted is everything when you are young.
Being thought of as sexy can make a young girl think she is all of that, yet to
many boys it just means, ‘You want a bit!’ Girls soon learned that a certain
look, a toss of the hair, a smile or an outright act of flirtation can be a powerful
thing. It is a powerful, natural and innocent phase of development.
It’s at about this age that girls find out they can also manipulate their fathers
and uncles. Looking good and being ‘The sweet thing,’ wins you admiration,
attention, advantages and sometimes gifts. Girls will flirt with their fathers,
uncles and friends of their brother. This is natural. It’s a normal healthy phase
that children pass through on their way into adulthood. Every girl deserves the
right to pass through this stage with support and acceptance. Being pretty,
being cool, being sexy and flirting are as natural and necessary to their
development as are physical changes.
Throughout nature we have males and females. In all of the species one attracts
the other. It is simply ‘The nature of the beast’. It is only in the human world
that this behaviour is misconstrued or condemned.
No wonder so many adults are sexually dysfunctional, confused and
uncomfortable with their sexuality. Too few of us were allowed to explore or
grow through our sexuality with support or safety.
Being young, pretty, flirtatious and sexy is only part of it. I mention of it here,
as too often, rape and incest victims blame themselves for being violated. They
often get the message that “They asked for it.”
If you did not say out loud, “Rape Me!” then you did not ask for it!
As adults, we may be reasonably confused about sex and sexuality but we
should know that we have a responsibility to protect our young. A flirtatious
and attractive child is entitled to believe that adults are not their predators. It’s
time that we stopped blaming victims and addressed the real issues here.
Children should not be expected to make adult decisions. We must not expect
children to have the maturity, experience or wisdom of an adult. Adults need to
be the adults. We, as a society, need to stop blaming the victims so that the
victims will stop blaming themselves.
Rape and incest are not about attractiveness or sexuality. They are acts of
violence against an innocent people. The decision, the action and the blame are
entirely on the predator.
Rapists target innocent and defenceless people. Children, old ladies, men, boys
and even animals can be the victims of a sexual crime. A rapist may be a
complete stranger. The act of rape can be cruel and down right barbaric.
Victims can be severely and permanently injured and even murdered.
Rape and incest are not always physically violent. The predator may be a family
member, a friend or a trusted and respected member of society. The act itself
may also be quite gentle or seem unintentional. He pretends to be caring, kind
and loving. It is within this realm that the insidious and long-term effects are
sometimes blurred and confused. Often, in this situation, the victim absorbs all
of the blame, guilt and shame. The psychology is really confusing, as hate,
revulsion and self-disgust get mixed in with feelings of love, excitement and
response.
This kind of rape is rarely spoken about and indeed quite often not even
considered to be rape. It very definitely is, it is mind and emotional rape. No
blood and no bruising - just guilt, shame and loss of innocence. Incest usually
falls into this category. Many people think of incest as a big bad stepfather
coming home drunk and violently forcing himself on a child. This is not always
the case. Incest is often loving, sexually pleasurable and exciting to the child.
The adult will often reward the child with gifts and treat them as very special.
The human body is designed to respond to sexual stimulation. A rape or incest
victim may find that they are physically aroused and responsive, yet their mind
is screaming “No!” They want it to stop; they are filled with fear and a deep
sense of something being wrong. At the same, time they may also feel loved by
and trust the rapist. They feel desirable and attractive and often enjoy the sex
and excitement.
This is profoundly confusing to a child and may manifest itself in all kinds of
confused emotions and behaviours in later life. The lines between love and hate,
and pain and pleasure can become quite blurred. Sometimes victims become
rapists themselves. Girls may become women who are drawn to violence and
humiliation in their adult relationships. Sometimes these children become
prostitutes or religious fanatics. Many may subconsciously provoke violent
behaviour as they only feel truly loved by making up after being abused. Many
women living with domestic violence were incest victims. They may not
attracted to ‘nice guys’ and subconsciously seek out dangerous or unstable
men. Many of these men are, of course, incest victims as well.
I was recently discussing this with a friend of mine and mentioned the arousal
and lubrication some women experienced in some rape cases. My point was
that the mind is screaming out ‘No’, yet the body appears to betray the mind by
becoming aroused. Psychologically, this is hard to grasp as the victim somehow
feels that she may have encouraged or enjoyed it. The victim is ashamed to
think that their body was saying yes and they feel betrayed by their own bodies.
My friend pointed out that this is not ‘arousal’ but the body’s ability to protect
itself from harm. Like adrenaline surging through our body when we are under
threat, a woman’s vagina prepares itself when under threat by becoming moist
to protect itself.
The deeper, longer lasting effects of this crime are the psychological and
emotional ones. Being violated in this way robs the victim of personal power,
safety, self-esteem, sexuality, freedom and trust.
The soul of a person longs to love and experience joy. We long to trust and
believe. We need to be admired and respected. Being controlled, manipulated or
violated robs us of all of these things. To have our ability to love or to be loved
taken from us is, above all else, the greatest act of violence and the most
unforgivable.
No one deserves to be violated. We all deserve to feel safe and protected and
we all deserve the right to grow and evolve into happy, healthy adults. Our
homes should be the one place where we can feel safe. Our parents should be
the people whom we trust and depend upon to keep us safe. Our physical,
emotional and psychological make up depends on it.
This is not yours to carry
It is most important to recognise that a sense of shame or guilt may have been
thrust upon you by the wanton act of another person. Carrying that sense with
you for life is a choice that you make. A young victim of incest or rape is
robbed of a very important part of their childhood. They will never get back the
sense of security that they lost, but it is important to remind yourself that, “This
is not yours to carry”. Feeling responsible, holding onto guilt or anger and
feelings of shame are ‘poisons left within you’. They do not belong within you.
Your freedom depends on your leaving those feelings at the original source.
We often hear that we must forgive in order to recover. Forgiveness does not
mean acceptance in any way. Forgiveness is the ability to let go of the ‘poisons
left within you’ by the actions of another, then embracing yourself for who you
truly are. Forgiveness is removing those who harmed you and their actions
completely from your picture of your life.
Personally, I believe that revenge is sweet. Revenge is taking control of your life
and replacing what has been taken away from you with bigger, better and
brighter feelings of self-esteem, trust and self-worth.
Revenge is letting responsibility lie with the abuser and not carrying it with you.
Revenge is sweetest when we take back our ability to love and to be loved.
A diamond must shine. A diamond has every right to be Unique,
Beautiful and Valuable.
Copyright Sonya Green
| Heal your Heart - Love your Body - Live your Joy! Simply Stunning! A beautiful and profound experience 3 guided meditations on one CD. Access higher wisdom, intuition and insights. Change habits, release fears and activate healing energies. Buy Now Full description. *Track 3 is highly recommended as a powerful and easy way to release childhood traumas. |
| Incest Innocence Lost and the Theft of Childhood. Post Traumatic Stress disorder Revenge is sweetest when we take back our ability to love and to be loved. |
| If you feel this website has inspired you or resonated with you or if you found yourself thinking about someone who would benefit from visiting these pages - Trust Your Intuition and send them the link. Or Join us on Face book. If you would like to copy an article to your site or blog, you are welcome to do so, but must note copyright Sonya Green and refer to www.reinventingmyself.com If you would like to support this site you might consider emailing in suggestions or comments, a small donation, purchasing a product or visiting the links to our sponsors. |
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| iTunes Download Now |
