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| What Women Want Women's views on Sexuality Sex as a spiritual ritual (Part 1) |
| Now available in paperback or as an ebook. Click book cover for details |
I remember watching an interview on TV once and a guy was asked when he
knew his marriage was in trouble. He answered that he was making love to his
wife and caught up in a great moment of passion when he heard his wife
whisper, “Darling, the ceiling needs painting”.
I guess men think about other things during sex; men may become bored with
sex, but even then I don’t think men ever become as indifferent or as detached
as many women appear to do.
Men seem to value sex more than women do: actually, there appear to be a lot
of differences between the genders when it comes to attitudes about sex.
Men pursue sex and women pursue love and romance. Men will often use
love to get sex and many women will use sex to get love. It usually works out
pretty well in the end, as most people realize that they want and need both.
We seem to spend the first half of our lives learning things and then the second
half trying to unlearn things. It really does take a keen sense of observation
and a lot of self-analysis to unravel belief systems to find our own truths. It
also takes a lot of courage and determination to go against standard beliefs
and live your life according to your own wisdom; there are so many areas of
our lives in which we are wearing masks and being phoney. We know on a
logical level that things don’t make sense but we are so afraid of ‘Not being
Normal’ that we would rather live with lies and suppress our true nature than
appear to be different. Somehow, lies and stupidity become acceptable and
things that are natural and healthy become unacceptable, trivialised,
embarrassing or taboo.
Intellectually, we may all agree that this is particularly so in relation to sex and
body image. Men are generally more comfortable with their desires,
performance and bodily functions, whereas women appear to be continually
struggling with two entirely opposite worlds when it comes to sex. The sexual
revolution of the sixties presented us with new freedoms and greater education
allowing us to fully embrace the idea that it was O.K. to enjoy sex. We readily
accepted that sex was normal and healthy. We were open to experimentation
and even got to the point of pursuing sex, enjoying sex and making sexual
demands.
We do underestimate the power of conditioning and just how deeply our belief
systems are instilled. On one level, we embraced sexual freedom, but we were
somehow unable to completely let go of our previous Victorian attitudes. Even
today, we operate on levels of guilt, shame, self-consciousness and sexual
suppression. We still carry within us our ‘Good girls don’t’ and ‘Bad girls do’
attitudes. We still think in terms of being used, giving in, playing hard to get,
letting him have his way and of course, the ever popular question, “Will he
respect me in the morning?”
We may have a very good understanding of anatomy and know the proper
names of our private bits, as well as a good basic knowledge of how it all
works. We accept our animal instincts and primal desires and behaviours. But,
then again on a deeper level, there is this distorted and illogical belief that we
should smell like perfume and our genitals should look like orchids. We worry
that we may have too much hair; that we are too fat, too flabby or too old.
We are self-conscious about our sexuality and shy about expressing our needs.
It really wasn’t all that long ago that it was assumed that women didn’t enjoy
sex and they only did it because it was their duty if they were married. They
had to be married, as that was socially and financially imperative. The sexual
revolution of the sixties and seventies turned all of this around. Sex had been a
taboo subject up until this point, but with the availability and acceptance of the
contraceptive pill woman discovered a freedom like never before. Women
began to explore their own sexuality. Magazines came with sealed sections
and within those pages articles were about clitoris’s, g-spots, erogenous zones
and masturbation. Woman began looking at pictures of naked men as well as
close-up shots of female genitals. The concepts of multiple sex partners,
orgies, pornography and homosexuality were explored.
The world had changed and life was never going to be the same again. Fear of
pregnancy was probably the main reason women avoided sex, but all that
changed with the pill. From all of this, came very significant changes for
women right across the board. Women demanded, and ultimately received,
equal opportunities in most aspects of their lives.
These days, we all have a fair understanding of how our body’s work and we
have the freedom to explore our sexuality. Woman can be as sexually
liberated and at ease with themselves as the men are. So why aren’t we?
Why are women so hung up about their bodies: self-conscious, ashamed,
critical, ignorant and insecure.
Why are we still thinking that men are using us or that we are giving up
something.
Could it be that we still think nice girls don’t and that ‘Doing it’ will cost us his
respect.
Are our genitals really ‘Yucky’ and do we ever really look at them.
Is sex power and are we still bartering.
Why do we still believe we are unattractive if we are not perfect, and why do
we believe that only perfect bodies deserve sex.
Will we ‘Die from embarrassment’ if caught masturbating – Do we masturbate.
I’m not suggesting that men have all the answers either; they certainly need to
address a few issues themselves. But, I am suggesting that men are generally
much more comfortable with their sexuality and their bodies than we are.
Men establish a very healthy relationship with their penises very early in life.
Perhaps it is because their equipment is external and easily accessible. Most
men consider their penises to be their favourite body part, some even go so far
as to give it a name. Most probably talk to it like it is a good mate and
certainly most men treat it with the utmost respect and consideration. From a
very young age boys realize that touching it feels good and most will touch it
often throughout the day.
Men are also sexually aroused very easily, and will experience ‘a little flutter’
by something as simple as seeing an attractive woman. Men usually wake up
each morning with ‘a hard-on’ and will automatically give it at least a little fond
stoking before they start their day.
Women, on the other hand, have everything hidden away and very private.
Women rarely look at themselves ‘down there’ and it is quite common for a
partner or Gynaecologist to know more about the look of her ‘privates’ than
the woman herself. Women are also more likely to need emotional,
psychological or physical stimulation before becoming aroused.
Parents also tend to educate their children quite differently when it comes to
sex. Boys get more of a ‘How to do it’ talk, whereas the women are
constantly reminded and warned about the perils of unwanted pregnancy. Fair
enough, as it is usually the female who gets left holding the baby. Females are
also warned about men only wanting one thing and the risks of gaining a bad
reputation. Religious beliefs may also come into consideration and the very
strong suggestion that sex outside of marriage is sinful. Promiscuous girls get
labelled as sluts and no decent men would ever want them. Promiscuous males
are labelled as studs, and in some cases, become more admired.
It’s no wonder that women are accused of this yes-no-yes-no attitude to sex.
We are conditioned to treat sex with caution and to be highly discerning or
suspicious of sexual advances, but, at the same time, we are also conditioned
into using our sexuality to attract a mate.
The thing that men know, and we still haven’t yet fully grasped, is that sex is a
necessary, natural and healthy activity. Men also know that they can get it and
enjoy it regardless of their shape. Men rarely feel shame or embarrassment
about wanting it or actively pursuing it. They don’t feel used or disrespected or
cheap after sex. I’ve never met a man yet who thought I owed him something
because he had given himself to me.
Penises are all shapes and sizes. If we really want to analyse it then I’d
probably have to say they are O.K. but not really stunningly beautiful. In fact,
the hairy balls, veins along the shaft and the little helmet at the top are really no
more or no less beautiful than female genitals. In fact, if you really get down to
it you, may notice there is great similarity in design between the two. The
vagina is really like an inverted penis. The labia is the equivalent of the balls
and the clitoris is really just a tiny little baby penis. The aesthetics aren’t
important at all. Genitals are amazingly fantastic pieces of engineering. Their
purpose and function is comparable to nothing.
Genitals have many sizes, shapes and colours, yet we still get caught up in
thinking that they must be ‘Movie Star perfect’, pretty in pink and dainty. This
is yet another example of accepting propaganda and denying reality. Women’s
genitals can range from pink, red, maroon, purple to black in colouring, all
being perfectly normal. Minor Labia (inner lips) can be short, long, fleshy or
taunt. Pubic hair may be soft or coarse and wiry, and of course some women
have a lot of hair and some do not. Nipples also come in pink and brown
hues, different sizes, and large or small areolae. We seem to have no trouble
accepting that penises are different sizes both in length and thickness, some are
circumcised and some are not, and balls also come in a variety of shapes and
sizes.
Some women are self-conscious that everything is right next to the anus. Well,
think about it – where exactly do you want it. Nice on your forehead - but a
bit distracting, on your elbow would be a bit of a problem in a crowd don’t
you think. Your hip may be O.K. but very limiting if you like a variety of
positions, not to mention that you would throw your spine out of alignment.
Really, think about it – the position is perfect!
Another concern is fluid; some women worry that they get too wet and others
worry that they are not wet enough. This fluid is soft, smooth and sensual to
the touch. If this was a Chemist made product, it would be highly sought after
and extraordinarily expensive. Men love the touch of a woman’s wetness, as it
says, “Yes, I want you”. Men need indications and responses to let them
know that they are doing well. Men love to know you are horny and nothing
says it better than sending down your juices. A smart, or at least a considerate
lover, will also be aware that if you are not wet enough, he needs to spend a
bit more time on the foreplay. So, don’t get anxious about not being wet
enough, just thank your body for letting him know he needs to back up, slow
down and pay attention. Wetness of course, also protects the vagina as well
as providing the slidiness. Slidiness may not be the correct term, but, I’m sure
you now what I mean and understand the importance of it. If dryness is a
health related problem, there are excellent lubricants available and quite a lot
of herbs that can help in many cases.
Probably the most self-consciousness is about smell. Yes, we have all heard
the fish jokes. Most women will at some time notice a stronger smell than
usual and feel concerned. If you feel you may have a problem, then see a
doctor as you may have an infection or an STD. If you are healthy and do not
have a medical problem, then the most probable cause is hygiene. Vaginal fluid
is healthy, necessary and normal, and it does not usually have a strong odour.
It has such an ever so slight and subtle smell, that it is hardly noticeable and
usually quite pleasant, much like sweat has a nice subtle, salty smell, but if left
unchecked it becomes a strong and unpleasant odour. A considerate lover will
always make sure she is fresh and clean before engaging in sex. Some women
are so self-conscious about their odour that they become fanatically clean and
go so far as to use perfumed products. This is a bad idea, as your vaginal
fluids contain pheromones which act as aphrodisiacs. That smell that you are
all precious about is actually turning on your lover. Perhaps, you would do
better to toss out your perfume and dab a little vaginal fluid behind your ears
as well.
Too fat, too thin, big tits, little tits and saggy bits.
When are women going to get over all of this. Do something about it if it really
is causing you anguish. Ideally, do something with your attitude rather than
your body parts. Men may have hairy arses, beer bellies or weak calf muscles,
but they don’t attack their own sexuality over it, do they. Being sexy and
enjoying sex has nothing to do with the size or shape of your body parts. If
men have one complaint, it is this: they are sick of women making reference to
body defects. They just don’t care. If you think your bum is too big then it
probably is, but men don’t care. They are very interested in ejaculating into
your vagina; they are not interested in skin elasticity or fat cells. Save it for
your girlfriends, therapist or cosmetic surgeon.
We are self-conscious about a lot of things and most of it is a bit neurotic. If
you really care for your lover, or more so if you are in love with your lover,
then it is only human to want to know that you are sexually exciting,
pleasurable and fulfilling.
Sex, as an expression of love, can be, and should be, ‘A Sacred Ritual’.
Society may have reduced it to a stress management technique, a sport or
entertainment. Some people will compare it to a basic need as simple as
having a meal. I have heard quoted “Why buy a book when you can join a
library” as a justification for screwing around. It’s easy to trivialize and devalue
things, it’s easy to become cynical and detach ourselves from emotional issues,
but in the end it becomes very cold and empty and within us all is the
knowledge and longing that we do need to be loved. We need to love, we
need to be loved, and we need to express love. The expression of love
requires an intellectual, emotional and physical connection. This is where
empathy comes into it; we need to know that deep within us and through all of
our senses that we are being honoured. Love requires vulnerability. To truly
give our innermost private self we need to feel safe, respected and to some
degree, a little worshipped.
Of course, sex can be casual, playful, debauched or just lazy, as well as having
many other dimensions. Any or all of these aspects can play in and out of a
healthy relationship and all are quite acceptable. Most long-term relationships
include ‘quickie sex’ or ‘just getting your rocks off’ sex. One night stands or
casual encounters can also range from spectacular and exciting to indifferent
servicing. However, one night stands and quickie sex are separate issues and I
am really addressing women’s sexuality, attitudes and experiences. While
acknowledging that we are all different and have different desires and needs,
and that sex has a huge range of complexities, I am mainly relating to sex as a
loving expression and basic human need.
Techniques can be learned, practised and perfected. Everyone has a
responsibility to themselves and their lovers to educate themselves. No matter
how athletic or skillful you are, it will mean very little if you do not connect
empathetically with your partner, no-one wants to feel like they are a slab of
meat being masturbated into. Empathy is about tuning into your partner,
feeling, responding, sensing and caring. Having a big dick, a bag of tricks and
plenty of stamina are all advantages, but if a woman feels that she is nothing
more than a vessel to you, then she won’t be interested for very long.
We pay a lot of attention to the importance of genital stimulation and accept
that female orgasm is all about the clitoris. Too often, foreplay begins and ends
with the genitals. Too often, sex begins and ends with the genitals. Although
pleasure, satisfaction and orgasm can be achieved, it can and will be very
unfulfilling and heartless in a long-term relationship. Sexual technique and
stamina are important, but they do not make a good lover and they are not the
key ingredients of great sex. For many men, sex education comes through
pornography, masturbation or story telling with other men. Too often, men
focus on the physical aspects of sex and sometimes act like sex is a race to the
finish line.
Click the next button to go to part 2 and 3.
Seduction foreplay and ecstasy
knew his marriage was in trouble. He answered that he was making love to his
wife and caught up in a great moment of passion when he heard his wife
whisper, “Darling, the ceiling needs painting”.
I guess men think about other things during sex; men may become bored with
sex, but even then I don’t think men ever become as indifferent or as detached
as many women appear to do.
Men seem to value sex more than women do: actually, there appear to be a lot
of differences between the genders when it comes to attitudes about sex.
Men pursue sex and women pursue love and romance. Men will often use
love to get sex and many women will use sex to get love. It usually works out
pretty well in the end, as most people realize that they want and need both.
We seem to spend the first half of our lives learning things and then the second
half trying to unlearn things. It really does take a keen sense of observation
and a lot of self-analysis to unravel belief systems to find our own truths. It
also takes a lot of courage and determination to go against standard beliefs
and live your life according to your own wisdom; there are so many areas of
our lives in which we are wearing masks and being phoney. We know on a
logical level that things don’t make sense but we are so afraid of ‘Not being
Normal’ that we would rather live with lies and suppress our true nature than
appear to be different. Somehow, lies and stupidity become acceptable and
things that are natural and healthy become unacceptable, trivialised,
embarrassing or taboo.
Intellectually, we may all agree that this is particularly so in relation to sex and
body image. Men are generally more comfortable with their desires,
performance and bodily functions, whereas women appear to be continually
struggling with two entirely opposite worlds when it comes to sex. The sexual
revolution of the sixties presented us with new freedoms and greater education
allowing us to fully embrace the idea that it was O.K. to enjoy sex. We readily
accepted that sex was normal and healthy. We were open to experimentation
and even got to the point of pursuing sex, enjoying sex and making sexual
demands.
We do underestimate the power of conditioning and just how deeply our belief
systems are instilled. On one level, we embraced sexual freedom, but we were
somehow unable to completely let go of our previous Victorian attitudes. Even
today, we operate on levels of guilt, shame, self-consciousness and sexual
suppression. We still carry within us our ‘Good girls don’t’ and ‘Bad girls do’
attitudes. We still think in terms of being used, giving in, playing hard to get,
letting him have his way and of course, the ever popular question, “Will he
respect me in the morning?”
We may have a very good understanding of anatomy and know the proper
names of our private bits, as well as a good basic knowledge of how it all
works. We accept our animal instincts and primal desires and behaviours. But,
then again on a deeper level, there is this distorted and illogical belief that we
should smell like perfume and our genitals should look like orchids. We worry
that we may have too much hair; that we are too fat, too flabby or too old.
We are self-conscious about our sexuality and shy about expressing our needs.
It really wasn’t all that long ago that it was assumed that women didn’t enjoy
sex and they only did it because it was their duty if they were married. They
had to be married, as that was socially and financially imperative. The sexual
revolution of the sixties and seventies turned all of this around. Sex had been a
taboo subject up until this point, but with the availability and acceptance of the
contraceptive pill woman discovered a freedom like never before. Women
began to explore their own sexuality. Magazines came with sealed sections
and within those pages articles were about clitoris’s, g-spots, erogenous zones
and masturbation. Woman began looking at pictures of naked men as well as
close-up shots of female genitals. The concepts of multiple sex partners,
orgies, pornography and homosexuality were explored.
The world had changed and life was never going to be the same again. Fear of
pregnancy was probably the main reason women avoided sex, but all that
changed with the pill. From all of this, came very significant changes for
women right across the board. Women demanded, and ultimately received,
equal opportunities in most aspects of their lives.
These days, we all have a fair understanding of how our body’s work and we
have the freedom to explore our sexuality. Woman can be as sexually
liberated and at ease with themselves as the men are. So why aren’t we?
Why are women so hung up about their bodies: self-conscious, ashamed,
critical, ignorant and insecure.
Why are we still thinking that men are using us or that we are giving up
something.
Could it be that we still think nice girls don’t and that ‘Doing it’ will cost us his
respect.
Are our genitals really ‘Yucky’ and do we ever really look at them.
Is sex power and are we still bartering.
Why do we still believe we are unattractive if we are not perfect, and why do
we believe that only perfect bodies deserve sex.
Will we ‘Die from embarrassment’ if caught masturbating – Do we masturbate.
I’m not suggesting that men have all the answers either; they certainly need to
address a few issues themselves. But, I am suggesting that men are generally
much more comfortable with their sexuality and their bodies than we are.
Men establish a very healthy relationship with their penises very early in life.
Perhaps it is because their equipment is external and easily accessible. Most
men consider their penises to be their favourite body part, some even go so far
as to give it a name. Most probably talk to it like it is a good mate and
certainly most men treat it with the utmost respect and consideration. From a
very young age boys realize that touching it feels good and most will touch it
often throughout the day.
Men are also sexually aroused very easily, and will experience ‘a little flutter’
by something as simple as seeing an attractive woman. Men usually wake up
each morning with ‘a hard-on’ and will automatically give it at least a little fond
stoking before they start their day.
Women, on the other hand, have everything hidden away and very private.
Women rarely look at themselves ‘down there’ and it is quite common for a
partner or Gynaecologist to know more about the look of her ‘privates’ than
the woman herself. Women are also more likely to need emotional,
psychological or physical stimulation before becoming aroused.
Parents also tend to educate their children quite differently when it comes to
sex. Boys get more of a ‘How to do it’ talk, whereas the women are
constantly reminded and warned about the perils of unwanted pregnancy. Fair
enough, as it is usually the female who gets left holding the baby. Females are
also warned about men only wanting one thing and the risks of gaining a bad
reputation. Religious beliefs may also come into consideration and the very
strong suggestion that sex outside of marriage is sinful. Promiscuous girls get
labelled as sluts and no decent men would ever want them. Promiscuous males
are labelled as studs, and in some cases, become more admired.
It’s no wonder that women are accused of this yes-no-yes-no attitude to sex.
We are conditioned to treat sex with caution and to be highly discerning or
suspicious of sexual advances, but, at the same time, we are also conditioned
into using our sexuality to attract a mate.
The thing that men know, and we still haven’t yet fully grasped, is that sex is a
necessary, natural and healthy activity. Men also know that they can get it and
enjoy it regardless of their shape. Men rarely feel shame or embarrassment
about wanting it or actively pursuing it. They don’t feel used or disrespected or
cheap after sex. I’ve never met a man yet who thought I owed him something
because he had given himself to me.
Penises are all shapes and sizes. If we really want to analyse it then I’d
probably have to say they are O.K. but not really stunningly beautiful. In fact,
the hairy balls, veins along the shaft and the little helmet at the top are really no
more or no less beautiful than female genitals. In fact, if you really get down to
it you, may notice there is great similarity in design between the two. The
vagina is really like an inverted penis. The labia is the equivalent of the balls
and the clitoris is really just a tiny little baby penis. The aesthetics aren’t
important at all. Genitals are amazingly fantastic pieces of engineering. Their
purpose and function is comparable to nothing.
Genitals have many sizes, shapes and colours, yet we still get caught up in
thinking that they must be ‘Movie Star perfect’, pretty in pink and dainty. This
is yet another example of accepting propaganda and denying reality. Women’s
genitals can range from pink, red, maroon, purple to black in colouring, all
being perfectly normal. Minor Labia (inner lips) can be short, long, fleshy or
taunt. Pubic hair may be soft or coarse and wiry, and of course some women
have a lot of hair and some do not. Nipples also come in pink and brown
hues, different sizes, and large or small areolae. We seem to have no trouble
accepting that penises are different sizes both in length and thickness, some are
circumcised and some are not, and balls also come in a variety of shapes and
sizes.
Some women are self-conscious that everything is right next to the anus. Well,
think about it – where exactly do you want it. Nice on your forehead - but a
bit distracting, on your elbow would be a bit of a problem in a crowd don’t
you think. Your hip may be O.K. but very limiting if you like a variety of
positions, not to mention that you would throw your spine out of alignment.
Really, think about it – the position is perfect!
Another concern is fluid; some women worry that they get too wet and others
worry that they are not wet enough. This fluid is soft, smooth and sensual to
the touch. If this was a Chemist made product, it would be highly sought after
and extraordinarily expensive. Men love the touch of a woman’s wetness, as it
says, “Yes, I want you”. Men need indications and responses to let them
know that they are doing well. Men love to know you are horny and nothing
says it better than sending down your juices. A smart, or at least a considerate
lover, will also be aware that if you are not wet enough, he needs to spend a
bit more time on the foreplay. So, don’t get anxious about not being wet
enough, just thank your body for letting him know he needs to back up, slow
down and pay attention. Wetness of course, also protects the vagina as well
as providing the slidiness. Slidiness may not be the correct term, but, I’m sure
you now what I mean and understand the importance of it. If dryness is a
health related problem, there are excellent lubricants available and quite a lot
of herbs that can help in many cases.
Probably the most self-consciousness is about smell. Yes, we have all heard
the fish jokes. Most women will at some time notice a stronger smell than
usual and feel concerned. If you feel you may have a problem, then see a
doctor as you may have an infection or an STD. If you are healthy and do not
have a medical problem, then the most probable cause is hygiene. Vaginal fluid
is healthy, necessary and normal, and it does not usually have a strong odour.
It has such an ever so slight and subtle smell, that it is hardly noticeable and
usually quite pleasant, much like sweat has a nice subtle, salty smell, but if left
unchecked it becomes a strong and unpleasant odour. A considerate lover will
always make sure she is fresh and clean before engaging in sex. Some women
are so self-conscious about their odour that they become fanatically clean and
go so far as to use perfumed products. This is a bad idea, as your vaginal
fluids contain pheromones which act as aphrodisiacs. That smell that you are
all precious about is actually turning on your lover. Perhaps, you would do
better to toss out your perfume and dab a little vaginal fluid behind your ears
as well.
Too fat, too thin, big tits, little tits and saggy bits.
When are women going to get over all of this. Do something about it if it really
is causing you anguish. Ideally, do something with your attitude rather than
your body parts. Men may have hairy arses, beer bellies or weak calf muscles,
but they don’t attack their own sexuality over it, do they. Being sexy and
enjoying sex has nothing to do with the size or shape of your body parts. If
men have one complaint, it is this: they are sick of women making reference to
body defects. They just don’t care. If you think your bum is too big then it
probably is, but men don’t care. They are very interested in ejaculating into
your vagina; they are not interested in skin elasticity or fat cells. Save it for
your girlfriends, therapist or cosmetic surgeon.
We are self-conscious about a lot of things and most of it is a bit neurotic. If
you really care for your lover, or more so if you are in love with your lover,
then it is only human to want to know that you are sexually exciting,
pleasurable and fulfilling.
Sex, as an expression of love, can be, and should be, ‘A Sacred Ritual’.
Society may have reduced it to a stress management technique, a sport or
entertainment. Some people will compare it to a basic need as simple as
having a meal. I have heard quoted “Why buy a book when you can join a
library” as a justification for screwing around. It’s easy to trivialize and devalue
things, it’s easy to become cynical and detach ourselves from emotional issues,
but in the end it becomes very cold and empty and within us all is the
knowledge and longing that we do need to be loved. We need to love, we
need to be loved, and we need to express love. The expression of love
requires an intellectual, emotional and physical connection. This is where
empathy comes into it; we need to know that deep within us and through all of
our senses that we are being honoured. Love requires vulnerability. To truly
give our innermost private self we need to feel safe, respected and to some
degree, a little worshipped.
Of course, sex can be casual, playful, debauched or just lazy, as well as having
many other dimensions. Any or all of these aspects can play in and out of a
healthy relationship and all are quite acceptable. Most long-term relationships
include ‘quickie sex’ or ‘just getting your rocks off’ sex. One night stands or
casual encounters can also range from spectacular and exciting to indifferent
servicing. However, one night stands and quickie sex are separate issues and I
am really addressing women’s sexuality, attitudes and experiences. While
acknowledging that we are all different and have different desires and needs,
and that sex has a huge range of complexities, I am mainly relating to sex as a
loving expression and basic human need.
Techniques can be learned, practised and perfected. Everyone has a
responsibility to themselves and their lovers to educate themselves. No matter
how athletic or skillful you are, it will mean very little if you do not connect
empathetically with your partner, no-one wants to feel like they are a slab of
meat being masturbated into. Empathy is about tuning into your partner,
feeling, responding, sensing and caring. Having a big dick, a bag of tricks and
plenty of stamina are all advantages, but if a woman feels that she is nothing
more than a vessel to you, then she won’t be interested for very long.
We pay a lot of attention to the importance of genital stimulation and accept
that female orgasm is all about the clitoris. Too often, foreplay begins and ends
with the genitals. Too often, sex begins and ends with the genitals. Although
pleasure, satisfaction and orgasm can be achieved, it can and will be very
unfulfilling and heartless in a long-term relationship. Sexual technique and
stamina are important, but they do not make a good lover and they are not the
key ingredients of great sex. For many men, sex education comes through
pornography, masturbation or story telling with other men. Too often, men
focus on the physical aspects of sex and sometimes act like sex is a race to the
finish line.
Click the next button to go to part 2 and 3.
Seduction foreplay and ecstasy
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