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| How to seduce a woman What pleases a woman in bed Sex as a loving expression (Part 2 of 4) |
A Message to Men
Women do not wish to compete with you; we know you can finish first, rushing
us makes us anxious and anxiety destroys passion. Women can still perform
after orgasm and in some cases continue into a second orgasm. Men lose their
erection after they climax and can no longer perform, therefore it is ‘Good
Manners’ to allow the lady to go first.
Women take longer to arouse and it might be worth thinking of it like this -
Horniness makes its way from a man’s balls to the tip of his penis, whereas a
woman’s horniness starts in her heart and has much further to travel to get to
her clitoris. If you wish to arrive at an orgasm around the same time, then you
will need to let the lady have a head start (no pun intended).
Women will very rarely respond to hard, fast, rushed foreplay. Think of them as
very shy, timid creatures that get spooked very easily. Foreplay should be slow,
gentle and relaxed. This allows a woman to trust, tune-in and respond. Without
this you are leaving her in a self –protection or defensive position.
Women receive sex. In effect you are requesting that someone take you into the
very centre of themselves. There is a certain vulnerability involved in doing this
and a considerate lover will appreciate that ‘Tossing himself in’ is very
insensitive.
It may also be worth noting that a man gives and the woman receives in orgasm.
Most men will experience exhaustion and most women will feel energized after
sex. As many women feel used or dismissed when a man turns away and falls
into a deep sleep, it might be worth understanding that he is not ignoring you at
all. It is true; he may not want to talk and may not want to snuggle up. Don’t
take it personally.
Women will be very accommodating to many sexual variations, if, and when, she
has established a loving and trusting foundation to build upon. Without this being
in place first, the ‘Wham- bam- thank- you- ma’am’, or the ‘Gymnastic Wonder
Boy’ may have a very short life span as a long-term sexual partner. There is
absolutely nothing wrong with lazy, selfish, perfunctory sex and sometimes a
quickie is all anyone is interested in. There are times when experimental, playful
and dirty sex is also enjoyable. Variety really is a good thing and all of this can
work well within a relationship. The problem is, that too often and for too long,
we respond to sex with indifference, and over time we become disconnected
from our lovers. When that disconnection goes un-addressed, the relationship
breaks down and self-preservation steps in. When a woman feels she is being
serviced or is servicing a man, she will close down her heart, and in doing so,
she shuts off her sexuality.
The most important Erogenous Zone.
Foreplay actually starts in the mind and in many ways the mind is more
important than touch or technique. To begin with, the mind decides whether you
are even worthy of being a lover. The mind assesses your attractiveness and has
the first and final say in your being selected as a mate. As trust is such a vital
ingredient, you may consider the mind your judge and jury. The most important
role of the mind is to focus attention, as good sex is impossible if the mind is not
present. Tuning into your lover is where empathy becomes established. Empathy
is the ability to feel and sense your lover’s responses, and ultimately to connect
physically, emotionally and spiritually with your lover. When this degree of
connection is established, sex stops being interpreted as two bodies and instead
becomes one body or at least one energy form. When sex includes love,
empathy, connection and trust, we will experience ecstasy as well as orgasm.
When two people achieve this, they will know what is meant by ‘Sacred Ritual’.
Some people may have innately known that this was available while others may
have almost touched it or glimpsed it. Somewhere within our inner wisdom we
do know that sexual energy is similar to, or the same as, spiritual energy.
Orgasm is probably as close as we get to experiencing ourselves as greater than
mind, emotion and body. For just a second or two during orgasm, we feel that
we have disappeared into the Universe and become “Blissed Out”.
Ecstasy
This state of ecstasy is all about energy. Call it sexual energy or spiritual energy,
it doesn’t matter. We all have the ability to get there, and deep within us we long
to get there. Many people have taken themselves all the way, but quite often fear
steps in and most people will hold back and lose the moment.
Ecstasy is often experienced spontaneously when people are very deeply in love.
When people are really in love, they intuitively long to enter each other, they tend
to breathe in their lover and open their hearts in a desperate attempt to draw the
very essence of their lover into themselves. This degree of love knows no fear
and holds no barriers, so you might consider the soul of each one actively
seeking to merge into each other. When sex is an expression of love, and love is
exchanged at this level, that merging does take place and the ecstasy of
spirituality is experienced.
Tantra
For thousands of years many cultures have practised Tantra. In recent years, the
Western World has become fascinated with this practise. Although Tantra is
more commonly thought of as a spiritual discipline, practised by enlightened
Eastern Masters, many of its components are being modified and, practised to
bring about sexual fulfilment, or more precisely, sexual and spiritual ecstasy.
Tantra means to open, expand, manifest, weave or merge. In its truest sense, it
was practised to allow sexual energy (which is our base energy) to expand
through our energy centres (Chakra's) and bring about enlightenment (true
spiritual connection).
Orgasm takes us close to spiritual ecstasy. Ecstasy is a full body orgasm, and
includes the mind and emotions but more importantly it includes the soul.
This kind of lovemaking has some basic principles, and although many may be
modified or varied, I will explain the most vital considerations.
The magic is in the dance
Orgasm is the last thing you focus on. In fact, the longer orgasm is delayed, the
stronger the orgasm is. Ecstasy comes from building up the energy then letting it
rest and then building it up again. You need to be building waves of pleasure, and
the secret is to take yourself and your partner almost there and then pull back. It’
s about teasing, seducing and maintaining the wanting.
The mind must be fully present, watching, sensing and responding. The mind
loves slow motion and slow, soft, gentle strokes allow the mind to take
everything in through all of the senses. The slowness also allows a greater trust
to be established and allows attention to be within your own body as well as in
tune with your lover’s body.
This level of lovemaking can be compared to a Maestro leading an orchestra. We
expect the big crescendo and the huge finish, but we don’t want all of that
straight up. We want the bow of the violin to be played slowly, deliberately and
expertly; we want the subtly to be so exquisite that we stop breathing, as we
hungrily drink in the sound and allow that sound to fill our souls. We want the
maestro to bring in the other instruments so expertly that we don’t know when
they start; they just somehow manage to entwine themselves into the music,
slowly and steadily building, seamless and fluid. This is how lovemaking should
be if you wish to achieve ecstasy.
Foreplay is everything here and, in fact, foreplay starts long before you even
reach the bedroom. In the early stages of a relationship, when couples are deeply
in love, they talk to each other in a loving, caring and interested way. They
connect and listen, gaze into each other’s eyes and, of course, they are totally
present in their attention. They could be talking about anything or nothing in
particular, but what is really happening, is that they are connecting. This is when
the mind starts generating desire and interest. The imagination creates its
fantasies. You look at the lover’s hands and imagine being touched by those
hands. You watch your lover speaking and find yourself turned on by the sound
of his voice and you wonder when that mouth will be on yours. Throughout the
day, you think about those kisses, close your eyes and imagine being kissed. You
think about how he has touched you before and recall through your senses those
memories. When you are in a restaurant, you find yourself unconsciously, but
sensually, touching your wine glass or running your fingers through your hair.
Your body language is speaking loudly and it’s saying, “I want you”.
I have heard men complain, “When we first started dating, she couldn’t get
enough of me. She would tear off her clothes before she reached the door and
was begging for it before I undid my belt”. Now, she’s always too tired or she
wants half an hour of foreplay. The truth of this is, that you probably didn’t
realize that the foreplay lasted for days when you first started dating. Perhaps,
when she drives home from work these days, her fantasies are about washing
your socks and cleaning the bathroom. Someone once said foreplay begins with
“his doing the dishes”. This is really not quite as cynical as it sounds, and a wise
man will realize that turning a woman on is about where her thoughts are before
you reach the bedroom.
Getting back to the dating days, we also acknowledge that we created beautiful
atmospheres prior to initiating sex, we spent time talking, relaxing and tuning in.
Often, we drank wine, flirted, lit candles and dressed provocatively. Initially, we
loved to touch each other in caring, gentle ways, holding hands, gently pushing
back a strand of hair or touching each other for no particular reason. We shared
small kisses to say hello and good-bye; there were thank you kisses and casual
touches, smiles and secret looks as well as a steady gaze that simply said I am
memorizing your face for later. Too often these things are disregarded within
long-term relationships, and once again we are getting into short cuts. We do live
at an accelerated pace these days and we want everything to be fast and hassle
free, but are we treating our love lives like a fast food outlet?
For such a long time now we have been physically and materially focused. We
have relied heavily on shopping and entertainment as our means to happiness and
we have even used each other as disposable conquests.
In recent years many people have been turning their attention to Eastern practises
and philosophies in search of deeper meaning. We appear to be discontent and
disconnected in many ways and there has been a huge shift in attitudes about our
sense of self and our place in the world. We sense on a deep level that something
is wrong-something is missing, and yet there is a strong belief that the answers
may well lie within us.
For many people, Tantra techniques are being explored and gaining enormous
attention and popularity. Tantra techniques are being modified and practised for
bringing deeper, richer and more profound sexual experiences. In this context
Tantra is being used to bring us into a deep and loving connection with our
partner and taking us into ecstatic, blissful orgasms. This level of connection
brings lovers into such a profound degree of unity that a bond is created and that
bond will take the lovers into a new and true definition of marriage. I refer to this
as ‘Soul Marriage’. No papers, rules, agendas, conditions or egos – Soul
Marriage is the merging of mind, body and soul.
Although I refer to Tantra techniques, I am also aware that they really only point
out what people deeply in love knew and experienced intuitively and
spontaneously. When people are deeply in love, they maintain their connection
with their lover outside the bedroom and play loving and caring thoughts through
their minds throughout the day. Lovers speak gently to each other, they pay
more attention to how they look and feel, they create nice environments and
share many ordinary tasks in a playful, special way. All of this is foreplay and
most of this is what goes missing in stale relationships. New lovers touch each
other as a gesture of affection and without needing it to be sexual. Being loving is
about consideration, connection and respect.
Being loving is about wanting to please the other person as much as yourself.
Click the Next button to go to part 3
Women do not wish to compete with you; we know you can finish first, rushing
us makes us anxious and anxiety destroys passion. Women can still perform
after orgasm and in some cases continue into a second orgasm. Men lose their
erection after they climax and can no longer perform, therefore it is ‘Good
Manners’ to allow the lady to go first.
Women take longer to arouse and it might be worth thinking of it like this -
Horniness makes its way from a man’s balls to the tip of his penis, whereas a
woman’s horniness starts in her heart and has much further to travel to get to
her clitoris. If you wish to arrive at an orgasm around the same time, then you
will need to let the lady have a head start (no pun intended).
Women will very rarely respond to hard, fast, rushed foreplay. Think of them as
very shy, timid creatures that get spooked very easily. Foreplay should be slow,
gentle and relaxed. This allows a woman to trust, tune-in and respond. Without
this you are leaving her in a self –protection or defensive position.
Women receive sex. In effect you are requesting that someone take you into the
very centre of themselves. There is a certain vulnerability involved in doing this
and a considerate lover will appreciate that ‘Tossing himself in’ is very
insensitive.
It may also be worth noting that a man gives and the woman receives in orgasm.
Most men will experience exhaustion and most women will feel energized after
sex. As many women feel used or dismissed when a man turns away and falls
into a deep sleep, it might be worth understanding that he is not ignoring you at
all. It is true; he may not want to talk and may not want to snuggle up. Don’t
take it personally.
Women will be very accommodating to many sexual variations, if, and when, she
has established a loving and trusting foundation to build upon. Without this being
in place first, the ‘Wham- bam- thank- you- ma’am’, or the ‘Gymnastic Wonder
Boy’ may have a very short life span as a long-term sexual partner. There is
absolutely nothing wrong with lazy, selfish, perfunctory sex and sometimes a
quickie is all anyone is interested in. There are times when experimental, playful
and dirty sex is also enjoyable. Variety really is a good thing and all of this can
work well within a relationship. The problem is, that too often and for too long,
we respond to sex with indifference, and over time we become disconnected
from our lovers. When that disconnection goes un-addressed, the relationship
breaks down and self-preservation steps in. When a woman feels she is being
serviced or is servicing a man, she will close down her heart, and in doing so,
she shuts off her sexuality.
The most important Erogenous Zone.
Foreplay actually starts in the mind and in many ways the mind is more
important than touch or technique. To begin with, the mind decides whether you
are even worthy of being a lover. The mind assesses your attractiveness and has
the first and final say in your being selected as a mate. As trust is such a vital
ingredient, you may consider the mind your judge and jury. The most important
role of the mind is to focus attention, as good sex is impossible if the mind is not
present. Tuning into your lover is where empathy becomes established. Empathy
is the ability to feel and sense your lover’s responses, and ultimately to connect
physically, emotionally and spiritually with your lover. When this degree of
connection is established, sex stops being interpreted as two bodies and instead
becomes one body or at least one energy form. When sex includes love,
empathy, connection and trust, we will experience ecstasy as well as orgasm.
When two people achieve this, they will know what is meant by ‘Sacred Ritual’.
Some people may have innately known that this was available while others may
have almost touched it or glimpsed it. Somewhere within our inner wisdom we
do know that sexual energy is similar to, or the same as, spiritual energy.
Orgasm is probably as close as we get to experiencing ourselves as greater than
mind, emotion and body. For just a second or two during orgasm, we feel that
we have disappeared into the Universe and become “Blissed Out”.
Ecstasy
This state of ecstasy is all about energy. Call it sexual energy or spiritual energy,
it doesn’t matter. We all have the ability to get there, and deep within us we long
to get there. Many people have taken themselves all the way, but quite often fear
steps in and most people will hold back and lose the moment.
Ecstasy is often experienced spontaneously when people are very deeply in love.
When people are really in love, they intuitively long to enter each other, they tend
to breathe in their lover and open their hearts in a desperate attempt to draw the
very essence of their lover into themselves. This degree of love knows no fear
and holds no barriers, so you might consider the soul of each one actively
seeking to merge into each other. When sex is an expression of love, and love is
exchanged at this level, that merging does take place and the ecstasy of
spirituality is experienced.
Tantra
For thousands of years many cultures have practised Tantra. In recent years, the
Western World has become fascinated with this practise. Although Tantra is
more commonly thought of as a spiritual discipline, practised by enlightened
Eastern Masters, many of its components are being modified and, practised to
bring about sexual fulfilment, or more precisely, sexual and spiritual ecstasy.
Tantra means to open, expand, manifest, weave or merge. In its truest sense, it
was practised to allow sexual energy (which is our base energy) to expand
through our energy centres (Chakra's) and bring about enlightenment (true
spiritual connection).
Orgasm takes us close to spiritual ecstasy. Ecstasy is a full body orgasm, and
includes the mind and emotions but more importantly it includes the soul.
This kind of lovemaking has some basic principles, and although many may be
modified or varied, I will explain the most vital considerations.
The magic is in the dance
Orgasm is the last thing you focus on. In fact, the longer orgasm is delayed, the
stronger the orgasm is. Ecstasy comes from building up the energy then letting it
rest and then building it up again. You need to be building waves of pleasure, and
the secret is to take yourself and your partner almost there and then pull back. It’
s about teasing, seducing and maintaining the wanting.
The mind must be fully present, watching, sensing and responding. The mind
loves slow motion and slow, soft, gentle strokes allow the mind to take
everything in through all of the senses. The slowness also allows a greater trust
to be established and allows attention to be within your own body as well as in
tune with your lover’s body.
This level of lovemaking can be compared to a Maestro leading an orchestra. We
expect the big crescendo and the huge finish, but we don’t want all of that
straight up. We want the bow of the violin to be played slowly, deliberately and
expertly; we want the subtly to be so exquisite that we stop breathing, as we
hungrily drink in the sound and allow that sound to fill our souls. We want the
maestro to bring in the other instruments so expertly that we don’t know when
they start; they just somehow manage to entwine themselves into the music,
slowly and steadily building, seamless and fluid. This is how lovemaking should
be if you wish to achieve ecstasy.
Foreplay is everything here and, in fact, foreplay starts long before you even
reach the bedroom. In the early stages of a relationship, when couples are deeply
in love, they talk to each other in a loving, caring and interested way. They
connect and listen, gaze into each other’s eyes and, of course, they are totally
present in their attention. They could be talking about anything or nothing in
particular, but what is really happening, is that they are connecting. This is when
the mind starts generating desire and interest. The imagination creates its
fantasies. You look at the lover’s hands and imagine being touched by those
hands. You watch your lover speaking and find yourself turned on by the sound
of his voice and you wonder when that mouth will be on yours. Throughout the
day, you think about those kisses, close your eyes and imagine being kissed. You
think about how he has touched you before and recall through your senses those
memories. When you are in a restaurant, you find yourself unconsciously, but
sensually, touching your wine glass or running your fingers through your hair.
Your body language is speaking loudly and it’s saying, “I want you”.
I have heard men complain, “When we first started dating, she couldn’t get
enough of me. She would tear off her clothes before she reached the door and
was begging for it before I undid my belt”. Now, she’s always too tired or she
wants half an hour of foreplay. The truth of this is, that you probably didn’t
realize that the foreplay lasted for days when you first started dating. Perhaps,
when she drives home from work these days, her fantasies are about washing
your socks and cleaning the bathroom. Someone once said foreplay begins with
“his doing the dishes”. This is really not quite as cynical as it sounds, and a wise
man will realize that turning a woman on is about where her thoughts are before
you reach the bedroom.
Getting back to the dating days, we also acknowledge that we created beautiful
atmospheres prior to initiating sex, we spent time talking, relaxing and tuning in.
Often, we drank wine, flirted, lit candles and dressed provocatively. Initially, we
loved to touch each other in caring, gentle ways, holding hands, gently pushing
back a strand of hair or touching each other for no particular reason. We shared
small kisses to say hello and good-bye; there were thank you kisses and casual
touches, smiles and secret looks as well as a steady gaze that simply said I am
memorizing your face for later. Too often these things are disregarded within
long-term relationships, and once again we are getting into short cuts. We do live
at an accelerated pace these days and we want everything to be fast and hassle
free, but are we treating our love lives like a fast food outlet?
For such a long time now we have been physically and materially focused. We
have relied heavily on shopping and entertainment as our means to happiness and
we have even used each other as disposable conquests.
In recent years many people have been turning their attention to Eastern practises
and philosophies in search of deeper meaning. We appear to be discontent and
disconnected in many ways and there has been a huge shift in attitudes about our
sense of self and our place in the world. We sense on a deep level that something
is wrong-something is missing, and yet there is a strong belief that the answers
may well lie within us.
For many people, Tantra techniques are being explored and gaining enormous
attention and popularity. Tantra techniques are being modified and practised for
bringing deeper, richer and more profound sexual experiences. In this context
Tantra is being used to bring us into a deep and loving connection with our
partner and taking us into ecstatic, blissful orgasms. This level of connection
brings lovers into such a profound degree of unity that a bond is created and that
bond will take the lovers into a new and true definition of marriage. I refer to this
as ‘Soul Marriage’. No papers, rules, agendas, conditions or egos – Soul
Marriage is the merging of mind, body and soul.
Although I refer to Tantra techniques, I am also aware that they really only point
out what people deeply in love knew and experienced intuitively and
spontaneously. When people are deeply in love, they maintain their connection
with their lover outside the bedroom and play loving and caring thoughts through
their minds throughout the day. Lovers speak gently to each other, they pay
more attention to how they look and feel, they create nice environments and
share many ordinary tasks in a playful, special way. All of this is foreplay and
most of this is what goes missing in stale relationships. New lovers touch each
other as a gesture of affection and without needing it to be sexual. Being loving is
about consideration, connection and respect.
Being loving is about wanting to please the other person as much as yourself.
Click the Next button to go to part 3
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